Truths

renewed

2008-06-26T01:02:00.002+08:00

It seems like the new trend is blogging weekly. Haha. Well, i supposed i won't even be blogging for long in this current state of mind. I've little motivation to write on blogs nowadays. Prior to to this, the only incentive of writing here is because i couldn't very well open myself up to friends and family. I've managed to change that.

I'm so glad for the change in fact. Not only do i get to relieve myself of all the troubles, but i get to meet up with some folks whom i haven't got the time to meet up for quite a while. Will be meeting someone very very important in my life very soon. Haven't yet to secure the time yet, but i know she'll definitely make time to accomodate me because i'm all powerful and special. Muhaha.

Ok, that aside, it's been a real enjoyment this past week. Yes, there were some downs, but more ups than downs. I've bee through shitty times for a while. Turning point? Let's recall.

1. Had drink with James at Demespy Road. Man, you guys should really go there when you've the chance. It's damn cool! Totally awesome to say the least. And i really mean it. It's the few rare places where you'll see luxurious cars from different brands, different people and more importantly, the ambience there is hmmm...orgasmic. Serious. Having red wine there is a pleasure. Red wine rocks too. Haha. I'd a fantastic time with James there. Awesome.

2. Kept in contact with WF. Haha, my supper buddy. She has been MIA for quite a while, but manged to catch her recently. She's as busy as usual, now with her new commitments, i mean commitment. Haha. Well, there's always another time for supper, but only time for one commitment. Haha.

3. Got my PDL! Weee...today, after getting MC. Haha. Passed my basic & advanced. Will be going for my driving lessons soon. Tying up the loose ends with my driving tutor. Can foresee myself driving very very soon. My cousin has already got his license, so i'm kinda behind time considering he's one year younger. But who cares? Haha. I want my licence! LOA coming soon. WHY? Because i'm Feeling Good! Haha.

4. My mail clogged till 300+ mails. You must be thinking i'm crazy to even consider this good; well, it's good because i'm popular. Haha.

5. Met up with Grabrield today. Managed to totally inspired him to start his book, which i'm really glad i did. Gratittude is the greatest present a person can have in life. :)

6. Brought new experience to Hazel & Clare. Haha. I love those 2 girls. Their really very very friendly girls and always so willing to learn, just like me. Haha. Well, they've been under my influence for a while and i must say they've also like myself grown quite a bit. Haha. It's really nice to see someone you know grow so much in such short period of time. I've lived up to my motto at least Haha.

7. Little voice management tape from James. Love those tapes i borrowed from James. Propelled me even futher into life. I supposed that is i why i love James so much too. Haha. Firstly, we're so like-minded. Second, we love to learn. Thirdly, our crapping skills are exceptional. Haha. And i love him so much because he has so much good stuff to share each time i meet up with him. He's like the fountain of knowledge, always learning from others and i'm always learning from him. Haha. Sweet.

In short, to make a diffeence to another person's life is a priviliege. To be willing to change your ow life is your personal will and choice. So to all who's willing to change, come look for the one who lives his life by this motto. You'll be surprised how much you can excel in your life with such people around.

Signing off, the great tin man; for this evening and possibily, future. :)

power

2008-06-18T01:14:00.003+08:00

I must say for the past week has been a roller coaster ride. With my final batch of seniors leaving this coming july, it's hard not to feel the pressure and responsibility falling upon my shoulders once again.

Had tons of sleep the previous week. Almost every week day i'd my full 9h of sleep. Considering i turn in at 8+/ 9pm, there's no surprise i was wide awake in office (finally). Really think a little too much sometimes i feel like i'm about to explode. I felt like i've exceeded my limits in many areas. My mental, physical and emotional has really been stretched and i must i maxed out indeed.

This week felt a little relief. Beginning to get used to the fact that the guys are going off soon. The full responsibility will finally be rest upon my shoulder once agian. Really glad i cleared my issues with pikachu today. How true, with great powers come great responsibilities.

I'm all along the ic of the entire branch, all along i'd the power and authority to overwrite anyone should i deem unsatisfactory. I never had the opportunity nor the ability to use the powers because i was too well taken care of by pikachu and many of the more seniors members in the office. With them leaving, it felt like i'm learning how to walk, the most basic things all over again. Only this time, i'm the one teaching the ropes to others. It felt awkward. It felt like i've not enough experience yet. It felt like i need more time with all these things. I'm....not ready yet.

Terry had always been a super good buddy to me and had always been looking after my back. From the time Victor left all the way till now, like a big brother helping out all the things. Yes, i know the things, yet, it felt good having confirmation on the things from a more senior point of view. I somehow don't know how to experience myself all of a sudden. Just feel emotionally detached. Felt like i've lost certain hope in myself if i've the ability to really pull through this.

Perhaps my time has come. The test of time has arrived sooner than what i've prepared. Or was my expectations too high? Aim for the moon, at least you miss it, you'll still be among the stars.

I've missed the moon, that's for sure. The benchmark is there, so certainly set by Lingo, followed by pikachu. Don't even bother about the stars since now i'm like super low low performance & morale. What do i have left with to uphold the legacy and the power?

For once i wished you were here, to hear things out once again, to listen to the voice all over again. It was an euphoric experience. I've missed the opportunity, to closed the case or at least call for a shot. I gave up even before i even started. I sometimes rue the day when all was out.

Still, a lesson i learnt so badly; opportunities are never lost, they're just taken up by someone else. How true....

tin man

2008-06-10T00:34:00.002+08:00

I've never felt so much hatred and distaste for anyone for a very very long time. This particular person really got me on my nerves and not many in people in my office really like her.

Sadly, this particular brought me to light. Not directly, in fact, she got me into deeper shit than i already am. Much thanks to her, i got 3 extra duties as punishments. Wow. Yet, it's also this person who shed new light for the meaning of forgiveness.

Harbour no evil thoughts. No hatred, no revenge, no envy. Not because it's being preached by religion, but rather it's for your own benefit. How?

With evil thoughts, you fill your life with nothing but doing evil things of which you don't really want to do. You mind is constantly in thoughts of how to do bad things so you'll "feel better" when in actual fact, we were never here to do harm to one another.

I gave my whole heart out. I forgive her actions. It was not her fault that she was in a foul mood in the first place. For it was my fault that i've given her a chance to find fault with me. It was my negligence that i've dragged myself into this shit and even the buddy who's with me. True that she blew up such a minute event, making a big fuss about it, but at the end of the day, justice must be served to those who failed to acknowledge the almighty presence of it.

She may dislike me but i've no grudge against her NOW. :)

I'm also glad to say that i'm finally back to my old self. Ok, maybe not old, but i'm found my purpose and mission in life. I now know why, when, where, what, who & how. Until they're shaken again by another event, this will be stuck with me for quite a while.

Why am i here on this earth?
I'm here to make positive difference to other people's life.

When did i start to realize this?
My journey to find out my purpose of life has led me to realized my mission here.

Where did occur?
No specific places, for every place gives me a minor clue to my big picture of life that i've visualized in my mind.

What was the significant events caused such reactions?
Too many to begin with. From the loss of my grandma, departure of friends in green org, meltdown of emotions, thoughts of forever being a hermit, tarot card readings and so many many other things that i've lost count of it.

Who are you now?
Tin man. Revitalized and back with more power, passion and power. :)

How did you do it?
3 words. Thinking, thinking and thinking. I've never did so much thinking in my life before so much so that i nearly loss my sanity at one point in time. But i'm glad i'm finally out from the forest of thoughts, able to breathe the cool, refreshing air again.

Much credits to the people who have really been through with me for the past couple of weeks. Not going to name any names as there's really too many. There's one particular person whom i would like to highlight though.

An answered call,

a breaking point.

Sweet high voice,

many unfinished affairs.

Tears felt,

unknown to all.

Strength regained,

through many thoughts,

dots connect,

reality understood,

renewed sub-consciously.

Tin once lost,

is now

back and fired!

Thank you again for those who have make the difference, directly or indirectly. Thank you.

renew

2008-06-04T21:03:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since i've last blogged. Felt a little guilty. Not because there's anyone to report to or anything, just that i feel very lost during the last few weeks. Had many ups and downs. But managed to get in control somehow. Well, reckon this is my next phase of life, to experience things so unpredictable, so temperamental, so...fulfilling. Haha.

I like this stage of life somewhat. It's insane, to say the least. It's like you've to go through so much shitty times, but at the end of the shitty hours and thinking, i felt renewed somehow. It's like rebirth, where your old thinking is finally hanged.

Got an affirmation from tarot card reading on monday. Haha. Was doing my duty, and my camp mate happened to have a deck which he just bought. After using the application on facebook, i thought tarot reading wasn't that accurate, yet when i attempted to do my first, i was astounded at the accuracy and proficiency of the cards. I stressed again, it's the cards. My friend and me were both new to reading the cards, yet somehow, we managed to draw some form of connections and the entire story that was succinctly outlined, yet with dead accuracy. Each of us attempted twice and we were both shocked at the accuracy, despite the fact that it was very vague.

Man, my friend just got me so hooked on to tarot reading. Although it doesn't give you a very clear answer like a yes or no, but it does define some grey areas of which certain paths have been taken and what will be the possible and actual outcomes. Scary, yet so real.

Well, i reckon if tarot can be catalyst helping a deep thinker like me to review certain thoughts, it would definitely affirm and help others out there.

As such, i would like to have a deck of tarot cards! However, i can't buy it, because it's an old wife's tale that the first deck must be given.

*hint* *hint* to whoever is reading this. Haha.

By the way, things in office have a been a little rough. Beginning to feel the taxing work and aftermath of the immense impact on the still recuperating body. Well, hope things go well soon. Oh, i also changed the theme song. It's a lovely song isn't it? Haha, so hooked onto it that i can't it off my playlist now. Haha. Enjoy!

goodbye

2008-05-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

I'd never had such experience before. It felt exhilarating for a moment. Would credit this to a very very good show, of which i insanely stayed up till now to watch --- No reservation.

A must watch for couples especially. Could feel the resonation running through me during the entire show. Each & every part felt so real, so at the moment, so now...

Not going to waste any of my time. Got so tired of thinking for the moment. Will resume my rountine life again, just wonder when will it be the time when i'm truly myself again...

Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Hmmm....

When one chapter closes, a new chapter begins. Death brings about an end to one's story and many related people's chapter, but a new one begins....

Goodbye and rest in peace.

Thank you for all the little things even though i don't really remember much.

The chapter which ended so well.

A first reunion for the entire family.

Perhaps even the final.

The opportunity to know other extended family members i never knew existed.

Not the ideal situation,

but the departutre has brought about

many more experiences to others.

A new chapter has begun.

Be it you're ready or not.

It's all about a journey.

There'll be happy and sad times,

the sadness was not there for no purpose;

it was meant to remind all of us

that every sad moments means

we'll learn how to cherish our happy ones more...

breakaway

2008-05-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

Couldn't get enough of it. Still thinking of it...still stuck in this predicament.

Life is about a choice. I've once again reached the same cross road. However, this time, i know everything about my options and the road the is laid ahead. The price i've to pay, the destination of each road, each juncture and the potholes that along the journey. Yet, i still can't help thinking why am i at this cross road here again.

Can't say i know what i'm going to do. For behind every actions, there's a reason for everything. Everything, be it you're living or not, human or animal, there's always a reason. A definite of purpose. At the end of the day, what is your reason?

It's immensely crazy to think things at such a depth i feel. I don't have the slightest clue as to what is happening to me. Reckon hazel put it very nicely, "It's a growing up process. That's why you're thinking so much."

Is it really true? A thinking process will lead to maturity, definitely, but why am i thinking so much? Why am i craving for maturity. Every thought that is running across your brain has a definite reason for being there. It's the law of nature. Everything occurs for a reason.

So why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk4AF0YNMRI

why?

2008-05-24T01:20:00.003+08:00

Decided to do away with the tarot thingy. Did some minor changes to the profile & poof, the entire card went different. For a moment, i realized something, i wasn't taking the reading of the card, i was merely copying and reviewing if it was true or not. Was thinking why must i put myself in a frame of mind determine by a card? Absolutely ridiculous.

Think these couple of days were quite an experience. Never had i thought i would feel so emotional. Considering i've locked them up long long ago. Suddenly they were all dug up.

The anger. From doing what i'm supposed to do.

The sadness. From not knowing what i want to do in life.

The grief. From the death of my soul and emotions.

The happiness. From knowing there're still people who cared.

The loneliness. From attending workshops meant for parents. I saw something which i know in this life i would not want to get.

The love. From seeing the friends who cared. The people who asked if i were ok. The people who said they were sad to hear the death of someone.

Why are you sorry? Were the death related to you? Why apologize when you've zero connections?

Saw a lovely couple on bus today. For the first time i was standing in such close proximity to such a loving couple. It's been a long time since i really felt something so passionate.

Where had my passion gone to?

I went to workshop meant for parents organized by MINDCHAMPS. I saw the staff, the speaker, the audience. They emit an aura of passion. They shown love. They shown gratitude. Willingness to learn and improve their relationship with their children, the staff always willing to help people.

Why do i want to help people?

For fun? The new trend?

Why do i want to embark on this journey?

Why am i even here in the first place?

Pardon the the stupidity. I've all the answers. But somehow, all seemed so hazy to me. I can't take things when i dont' know what's ahead.

Take the steps slowly, one step at a time.

I can feel. I dont' have much time left.

What is my purpose in life? I read the book, Purpose of Life. Took it from the temple where grandma was cremated. I thought i had it all sorted out.

This evening, i was given back the same test. To reconfigure all the thoughts again.

I've made so many wrong choices. They all add up to my library i experience.

But why do i still aren't able to answer? Life keeps changing. People changed. But why do our core values keep chaging?

Making a positive difference to the lives of people i know. Why?

Why do i keep asking why?

Why...why....why.

Life is a suffering. It's preached by ALL religions. You can go check it out. Initially thought it was only buddhism. Only then pointed out by a colleague of mine did i realized that it's indeed true.

If life is a suffering, why live? Why not just end the suffering? Join your whatever holy god? Why then do people preach life is precious? Why is time so important? Why death brings about so many changes to a person's life?

Death gives people pain. And it teaches people the beauty of life. Death gives people suffering. Life itself is already a suffering. So why are we suffering?

WHY????!!!!!

emotions

2008-05-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.

I feel so lost in my own world all of a sudden. The cremation and ritual took place today. Finally all the things have ended. The long nights, the dreadful burning of joss sticks and the sad, grieving looks on everyone faces.

It felt like sunday today. A short respite from all the routine.

The least respite i've ever yearned.

Felt guilty all of a sudden. Lost in every sense. The inner self wants to let out all the bottled up emotions; the outer self unable to synchronise, suppressing all the stupidity. Managed to drowned myself in the games and mindless activities for a while.

For a spilt second, i thought i managed to escape; little did i notice that escape only brought about greater anger, grief and sadness.

Angry for not being able to complete what i was supposed to do, though i don't exactly know what i'm supposed to do either. But i felt i've did little of my responsibility.

Grief for not being able to feel sad for anything. I felt no emotions. The brain wasn't able to secrete the sad feelings.

Sad not from the cremation, but from the fact that till now, at the age of 20, i still fail to truly know what i truly want in life. I thought i have it all figured out, to make a difference in the lives of others; i've placed so much energy and time on others that i've failed to save some for my own family members.

What am i truly working for?

Who do i really want to become?

Why am i even here?

The fight or flight mechanism suddenly kicks in, but yet i could do little. I felt so helpless all of a sudden....

De javu. Ever experience of death is much worse than the previous. Previously i still had the opportunity to feel different, not being able to feel sad. Now, i'm able to feel sadness, but couldn't quite cry. The emotions are all chalked up inside.

Anticipation of death is far worse than death itself. The experience of death is much worse than anticipation, of which none who walked the earth could truly describe. Only the experienced can resonate.

Safe journey and rest in peace, ah ma.

lost.

2008-05-17T16:30:00.003+08:00

The Moon
The Moon represents those unknown forces and cycles that are out of your control. While aware of its presence, you are unable to comprehend the influence the Moon has on your life. While this is a time full of mystery and uncertainty, it is also a time of great imagination and creativity. You must be prepared to venture into the unknown and follow uncharted paths.

I once thought i've thought through the processes, the details, the goals that i want in life. I've taken baby steps towards my goal and i must say i'm proud to be where i am today, although i know i could have been able to achieve much more if it weren't for the bad habits that i have.

I've been to a couple of places lately, talked to some people and encountered a couple of events. Never had i been this lost once again. It's like de javu. The death of my grandma perhaps have been the greatest hit i've received thus far.

There are much i still like to say, but i felt more comfortable penning them down in my diary. Very much like to pour out certain things too, sharing them with people, yet there's a invisible barrier barring me from doing so.

It's not the first time, nor will it be the last. I've the choice, to share, but i chose not to. Pardon me if i appear aloof, or reticient, this is me. Who i am, i choose who i become. Perhaps someday when i've found the right one, i'll confide in this soul. But till then, i prefer to remain silent about the feelings of such agonizing intangibles.

excitement

2008-05-10T22:56:00.003+08:00

WHY?

I feel that if i'm able to be able to inspire, encourage and help make a difference in the lives of the people whom i know, i've no regrets living this life. I've made too many mistakes, created much unnecessary stress for the people around me and more importantly, i've in many ways neglected the care and concern for those who truly have made a difference in my life --- my family, SA bros, CKP, 211, T24 etc etc.

As such, i hope that with this ability to inspire and motivate other people, one day in return, they'll be able to carry this goodwill forward to others and hopefully, we can all contribute back to the society in the little things we do, just like how we can make a difference in the lives of others.

My next motto in life,

TO MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE IN THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE AROUND ME.

I'm indeed a fool, a fool to be on such idiotic journey of a person's life. I don't have the capability nor the hard work to be one, but i promise you, one day, i will be able to be that specific thing i wish to do.

For those whom i've already make a difference in little ways, i'm really happy for you. Please don't thank me for inspiring you, but rather thank yourself for giving me the opportunity to help you. No matter how powerful a speaker can be, if the audience is not willing to listen, there's no way there'll be a communication. And for those who wish to embark on such journey just like myself, i truly welcome you because every journey would require a team; for a team works best towards a common goal than a lone ranger on his one man crusade.

Interested parties do feel free to contact me. For you are willing to learn, i'm more than willing to share; if you're willing to change, i'm more than willing to help, for i'm a firm believer in

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

feeling good

2008-05-01T11:13:00.003+08:00

The Secret.

When you realized the difference, things changed immensely. Perhaps it's the free time, perhaps it's the empowerment, perhaps it's also the mindset, then again, i would very much credit it to The Secret. More opportunities appeared more than i would have anticipated. It's amazing to say the least.

In any case, i got to get back to work. :) Happy Labour day to all. And don't forget to

FEEL GOOD. :)

learning journey

2008-04-27T01:07:00.002+08:00

The Fool
The Fool desires to achieve great things in life, but does not always anticipate the hard work required. Full of curiosity and searching for answers, the Fool symbolizes a new beginning and endless optimism. He must be careful in the decisions he makes, as his lack of experience is often a hindrance. While others may avoid taking on insurmountable odds, The Fool will attempt to accomplish near impossible goals with almost reckless abandon.

Haha, there's always in certain way some truth in the tarot reading. I was anticipating to reach a location at 12pm, but i was late. See, i left home earlier than what i would normally do, as i know i'm those kind of people who are late. I took a different bus which still brought me to the same location. Still, i should have left earlier. Well, a learning journey. Yet, it was not a loss. I found someone who's going to the same location, a friend's friend who happen to go to the same place on the same bus as i. Cool. You know what's the best part? She actually lives in TPY also!!! Haha. She sort of fit the type of girl i desire, perhaps just a little over my age. Haha. That's not the point,the point is i met and got acquainted with someone near my place! :)

I received a compliment from a female today that i've got good complexion. :) Muhaha. To have such compliments from a lady who's not too bad herself sure gave me a super booster on my looks. Cheers~ She sort of lighten up my afternoon for today. Haha.

Night was exceptionally awesome. Haha. Want to know why? I've learnt A LOT more things today. Totally awesome man. It's like revitalized new tin. I'm walking with more confidence now, more sense of purpose and more importantly, i felt i've changed again. :) I've become more powerful once again. Haha. For those who's interested in learning and growing, more importantly, if you need help in achieving your dreams in life, you know who to find now. Haha.

The week thus far wasn't as fruitful as today i would say. Still, it's a learning journey for me. I've understood why i was procrastinating after tonight's sharing session and know the roots of my problem. I've become more empowered to pursue my dreams with greater strength and determination after this evening.

Sure enough, endless optimism, consistent perserverance & more importantly, a strong desire. I will succeed.

No, it shouldn't be will....

I MUST SUCCEED.

I do it not for myself, but for the people i loved. For my future and current family, friends and relatives.

I unerstood why people wants to motivational speakers. I knew why it brings such happiness, joy and unlimited gratification and honour to those speakers. And i too, want to be part of them now. For when i started sharing my thinking with others, i felt that people have changed, for the better. When i see that some people have grown, have changed and better still, become empowered, i felt extremely good.

To me, life is not just about finding my dreams. It's also about helping people find their dreams. Find them, help them and eventually, we'll all achieve what we want. Because you've one very good reason to do so, you've a very very powerful ____ who can help you. Haha.

Please don't JTC. I know you want to say so BHB, but i'm about to say the blank is not me. Though i would very much like to be in it, but i would rather credit it to someone more worthwhile.

He's called MENTOR.

When the disciple is ready, the master will appear.

With that, i would like to end off with a great track that i totally fell in love on first hearing. To those who are taking exams, jia you! :)

learning exp

2008-04-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.

This week is a very fruitful week. Learnt a lot of things from many different sources. Even now talking to Verlin i'm also learning something new. Still feel that the experience talking this restaurant owner was the most fruitful. The talk goes like this:

My family was taking dinner at this restaurant. We're regular customer of this restaurant. However, we heard from the manager that the owner was selling this restaurant. My dad suddenly perked up his ear and seemed very attentive. It's not because he's feeling very sad or anything, but he's listening and asking about the price and business related questions. I understood that he has some interest in buying the area.

We managed to get a quick chat with the owner and he seemed very experienced. He's a Honkie, and has several business in China. So he decided to sell away this business because he wasn't making much profit and felt that it would be of little value since he would be focusing his business in China. So we continue chatting for a while, or rather my dad continue chatting with him and we came to this topic about doing business in ROC. It's rather interesting and enriching at the same time. I'm not going to blog about it here, not very right i feel.If you're interested to know more about it, can always contact me to ask me about it. It's really hilarious yet enriching at the same time. :)

Another one was attending a cashflow workshop of this size. It's the first time i've seen such workshop conducted with such great energy, drive and most importantly, system. Really amazing stuff. Everything was so detailed, so concise, and it's running very very smoothly. Only one word can describe it, "WOW". Haha. Learnt much about managing a system and people also.

Today is another awesome day because i actually spent $50+ on books. Every time i purchase books i feel empowered and motivated. Haha. I don't know why, but each time i come across good books, i felt very energetic and have ultra soft spots for them. It's like females seeing jewellery and have impulsive spending for them. Same for me when applied to my books.

Time to do things with more passion now that i've learnt so much and was really inspired to do my work with greater love and joy after watching "Pursuit for Happiness". Cheers~

Happiness is spelt with a "I" in it. --- Chris Gardner.

Oh, one more thing, to my PA, hope you find your "fuel" soon. If not, think can use biomass alternative. More environmentally friendly. :)

unknown

2008-04-15T22:06:00.003+08:00

Tin's graph was down 200 pts from a 1000.

MACD is lousy shape.

Far below the 200 day moving average.

RSI is super oversold.

It's ok if you dont' understand, this is purely TA.

In short, my soul is in a distorted mode. I'm lost yet focus at the same time.

And at the sight of looking down from the 12 storey garden, i understood why the people who leaped off from building had peace with themselves before they jumped as a choice. For one split moment, that thought crossed my mind. Was glad that i was given the strength to make the right choice.

When you see death, nothing else matters. Only 3 things matters.

You

You

YOU

zonk.

2008-04-13T23:55:00.003+08:00

The Fool

The Fool desires to achieve great things in life, but does not always anticipate the hard work required. Full of curiosity and searching for answers, the Fool symbolizes a new beginning and endless optimism. He must be careful in the decisions he makes, as his lack of experience is often a hindrance. While others may avoid taking on insurmountable odds, The Fool will attempt to accomplish near impossible goals with almost reckless abandon.

What a day! Feel so empty and loss for a moment. Didn't manage to compelete the things i intend to do. Still, i managed to learn something from today's attending of WA after yesterday's duty. Zzz. Beneficial to say the least, especially from Conrad. :) Want to know what's the best part? He actually approached me and recognized me. Haha. Feel honoured and of course, elated. It's like getting recognized by one of your idol. Awesome! Muhaha.

Watching the Secret again tomorrow. Somehow, regardless of how many times i've watched, i still learn something new every time i watched it. Reckoned it's because everytime i watch it, i'm at a different level from before. The higher with each time i watch of course. Haha.

Went to old folks centre to visit my grandma. She seemed more child-like with each passing day. Haha. The way she speaks, acts and responds to questions, it's identical. I'm not degrading her or anything, but if you've grandparents with some mental declination, you'll understand what i mean. My dad actually brought soup cooked from home for her to drink. Her reaction was very positive; the maid wanted to feed her slowly because it's very hot, but she actually attempted to steal the cup from her, not once but a couple of times. Totally hilarious.

Dinner was fabulous. Couldn't say more because it's really fantastic. Maybe just a little overdose because it was meant for 6 people but only 4 people were eating. Can't exactly help it; it was being ordered by my mom, supported by my sis, which resulted in 4 people eating 6 people's share of food. Much of which returned home, packed up. Haha. Still as said earlier, it's fabulous.

Off to bed. Brand new week again. One week closer to ORD! Wahaha.

Video by Chris Brown. Enjoyz. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqumjziPTzk

cough

2008-04-10T12:17:00.002+08:00

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

Had the privilege to watch en bloc last night. Till now, still not quite sure why my friends are so addicted to it besides the fact that there're two pretty ladies acting in it. Script wise i think it's rather ok, something different, but nonetheless, simple. Don't really have much comments except the girls are indeed hot and sweet. ;)

Had a lingering cough for the past few weeks. Yesterday's bad choice of lunch & dinner only aggravated it, resulting in specs of blood being cough out with the phlegm. Reminded me of the days in Tekong. Haha.

Few steps closer to reaching my target, and pretty glad for that. Improvements wise, must say i've learnt a super super stupid lesson on Monday. Spent like $10+ on it. Still a lesson nevertheless. Another leap towards being a more wise person. :)

IPPT next week, hope the cough should have recovered by then. K, to WH who's enlisting today, all the best and have fun in the army! Muhaha.

nil

2008-04-06T22:40:00.005+08:00

The Emperor
The Emperor can provide order and structure where once only chaos existed. He possesses great intelligence and the confidence required to use it productively. While sometimes considered stern and demanding, he knows how to encourage people to reach their full potential. He sets strict rules and boundaries and expects others to comply.

This week has really touched me very much. Much had happened, another eventful week with so many twists and sadness, but one incident especially struck me. For after a long time, i'm able to finally able to reconnect with the inner emotion, slightly. Perhaps i've kept it locked up some place, but this incident really open up a lot of things from within. Many of which till now i still don't understand.

Went to therapy centre to visit my grandma. She'd been admitted to TTSH few weeks back and is now in this physio centre for the recuperation. Came across this patient, she seems like a vegetable. She couldn't move on her own, nor had she the ability to blink. Her eyes were always closed. Every moves she does requires people to guide her. Without other's help, she's no different from muscles without skeleton.

Then i saw this guy came to her, carried her together with a maid, put her on a wheel chair and brought her out of the room. She shares the same room as my grandma together with 2 other patients. So i asked my sis what happened to that patient, sis replied that she encountered an accident was thus in such situation. Then i started to understand that the guy who carried her onto the wheel chair, was most probably her husband.

There was a picture of herself before the accident, cheerful, happy and smiling with a very beautiful backdrop. For a moment i was kinda lost for words. What one accident could do to a person, and how deeply the husband actually cared for his wife.

I must say i couldn't exactly understand love. But you know love when you see the actions involved. No reason could put a sane guy to look after a person who have already lost all her senses, control of muscles and every movement, even the ability to open the eyes.

Only love has the ability to do such things, to go beyond the understanding of a normal logical mind. And for that guy and his undying love for his wife, i really have immense admiration and respect for him.

Though i couldn't quite understand, but i was shown the power of true love.

leap

2008-03-29T23:34:00.002+08:00

Every MASTER was once a DISASTER.

aimless

2008-03-27T23:38:00.002+08:00

The Star
The Star represents hope and optimism and the arrival of unexpected help. Now is the time to strive for goals that at one time seemed unattainable. Nothing is out of your reach now, so do not hold back. While the Star does not predict any immediate change, it does represent the limitless possibilities that life has to offer.

Somehow today i felt super lethargic. Like something amiss. Though i got back early, had the luxury to have a short nap and homely dinner after a long while, it feels like i'm missing out on something important.

Yes, i got lots of things to do. And definitely, i can use a good long sleep, but all of these doesn't quite add up to what i want to do for today. It's like you know you gotta complete something by today, but you can't quite figure out what's it.

Oh, i did managed to finish one thing of which i'm quite happy with. It's called my desktop pic. Haha. Nothing fanciful, just a pic or two and well, it serves as a very good reminder to myself because it gives me a sense of purpose for this life. Or rather the goals i set to accomplish by this year. Sweet.

Ah well, let's hope this uneasy feeling goes away soon. Back to work.

Life Transformation

2008-03-26T01:02:00.002+08:00

Tue:
Judgement
Judgement signifies the start of a new journey, guided by lessons learned in the past. It represents the culmination of your life's experiences and is about rebirth and resurrection. It is time to face demons from the past and make a fresh start using a clean slate. Make that final decision that will finally plunge you into a new situation.

Haha, somehow you just can't ignore the tarot signs. Been a super long while since i last posted. Only a few memories still in mind. So will only recap those that I managed to retain.

Sat:
Was given the chance to warm up as Emcee. Damn cool experience. Rather small scale, but it's fun nonetheless. Haha. Many blunders, so hilarious. Still, there was much to improve, learn and create more fun. Haha. Think that's the primary scope of the Emcee, to bring up the atmosphere and bring the right message across at the start and end of session. Fun, fun, fun. Haha. :)

Sun:
Got rather pissed off initially. Planned to go down for Joey's bday party, can't because of super bad cough. So changed to join dinner with family. Was later changed to join Verlin for IMPORTANT meeting, of which she couldn't tell me the agenda. Got persuaded to go down. Angry because the plans were constantly changing, and the last part of having dinner with family was compromised, something i couldn't take it. Family now is first priority, after what i've been through and the only reason why i'm so focused on fulfilling my dreams.

Still, the meeting that evening was fruitful. Learnt much from James, another friend of Verlin. Learnt a ton of things from James i must say. Not to mention i'm super lucky to have him as one of mentors in new venture. Think last night was one of those nights where it's life transformation. A major blow to my confidence in a certain sense, still, i felt great because i was shown the way to light and not left in the dark. ;)

Made a phone call to BP over the weekend after knowing her situation. Not sure why i even bothered to took up the initiative when the other party didn't even ask for any. Haha. Maybe it's the LOA, she's looking for a solution? Hmm...Nevertheless, hope the sharing have some positive impact.

This evening was supposed to meet up with Wai Ting. But it's all right, managed to make full use of this session to catch up with my old buddy, Wei Hao. Manged to share some of the important lessons i've learnt through the last few months. Hope it helps.

And my motto for this year,

TO VALUE ADD PEOPLE'S LIFE.

That is why it's super life transforming in a sense. :)

fooled.

2008-03-18T21:56:00.002+08:00

You suck at multi-tasking.

So true, i'll not hesistate any longer. It's time to do what others consider insanity, for the fruit of labour is well beyond anyone's imagination. Perhaps it's also tme to rewatch "The Secret" and stay true to the faith of it.

Trust and believe as spoken in the bible.

And so i shall do it.

breakthrough

2008-03-16T01:53:00.002+08:00

Saturday:
The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.

Yesterday i would say was a breakthrough for myself. Learnt many new things, picked up a lot of life skills here & there, and more importantly, i was exposed to one very important thing. It's called OPEN HOUSE.

Yes, i went for the NUS open house. Met up with Joe to go down together since both of us are staying in tpy. I presumed he knew the journey to NUS, but in the end, we were spending time wondering from bus stop A to bus stop B, which by the way were opposite each other, just to board the bus in the right direction. Took 96 down and finally arrived at.... our desired location(finally).

Quite a sight at first glance. Many booths, think they did a rather decent job creating the atmosphere and the layout of the booths were well organized. I must say the crowd was amazingly huge. Kuku right, university open house is supposed to be drawing a huge crowd, but you'll be surprised at sometimes.

Well, not that i'm expecting anything less, but the fact that engineering booth, being the LARGEST faculty in local context, has as much space as any other booths that's there. EXCELLENT. Close to 6-8 faculties of science sharing one booth with close to 2-3 staff per faculty, you do the maths.

*Proclaimers: the booths are not like those kind of puny mini booths, but real big big booths. Still, the entire engineering field in one booth, speaks volume about the land scarcity.

Nothing much other than having lots of fun and not to mention, the amazing learning journey today. :) Will be helping out the seniors at CC tomorrow pm. Well, looking forward to seeing those folks again.

Great, off to bed. ;)

experience

2008-03-11T21:50:00.003+08:00

strength

2008-03-11T00:39:00.004+08:00

The Wheel of Fortune

The Wheel of Fortune deals with the unpredictable situations in life. Your path in life takes many detours, often directed by forces and events beyond your control. This card represents change in your life, so be ready for unexpected challenges to come your way. This card usually denotes that good luck is coming your way.

I'm praying for stronger mind and body. Have been going through this rountine of sleeping at 2+ waking up at 6. Totally crazy. Sometimes i wonder why i pushed myself so hard for what purpose. I regretted stretching a little too much at times too. My mom also complained that i've thinned and has been on a very severe sleep debt.

But i know one thing is for sure.

I'll never give up.

For whatever reason.

To achieve my MDP.

For this, you can have my word. And my life.

With that, i leave you with a clip, which shot me very very good questions...

生老病死

2008-03-10T00:53:00.002+08:00

The Moon
The Moon represents those unknown forces and cycles that are out of your control. While aware of its presence, you are unable to comprehend the influence the Moon has on your life. While this is a time full of mystery and uncertainty, it is also a time of great imagination and creativity. You must be prepared to venture into the unknown and follow uncharted paths.

Nothing beats experience.

Death...
Went to wake, saw the emotions on the faces. Reminded me of what my family went through few years back.

Sickness...
Grandma was admitted to hospital due to a slip in the toilet. Had a cast around her leg. Was a little astounded by the news initially. Went over to TTSH to visit her. Entering the hospital alone made me nausea. Never had i thought i would enter the place again. :(

Aged...
Can't say more on this considering that i'm surrounded by so many senior citizens in my vicinity. A way of life i would say. Ageing population in another decade time? For my case, i'm seeing it now and now. No need to wait further. The future only means more senior citizens.

Young/ birth...
I have yet to experience this joyous occasion yet. Soon. I think. Considering that both my siblings are getting married VERY SOON. Haha. Not sure when is it. But it's real soon. Think i should get some lucky aura from them so i'll get attached soon also. :) Wait, i think i already can. I'll use the SECRET. :) A little morally incorrect? Haha. I've no idea, but i feel it's nothing wrong with wanting a companionship.

I'm absolutely clueless why i suddenly touched on such topic. It's like so random, out of the blue. So much have happened over the past week and i'm still recovering from the sudden occurrence of such happenings.

Well, couldn't put it better than Sandra Howard--- time may be a great healer but a lousy beautician. ;)

ages

2008-03-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

The Devil
The Devil represents wild behaviour and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst, this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.

It felt like ages since i last blogged. Much apologies to that. Why am i apologizing when i know there're few, or maybe none viewers coming here? A rather intriguing question don't you think? Well, i reckon this blog is not so much about updating my friend what's going on currently, but more of keeping a memory of myself at this phase of life so when i grow older, i can read back these posts and enjoy them.

Enough crap, shall proceed with my updates.

Last week highlight:
Was super stressed up because it's WA09! :) Couldn't feel more hype and stressed simultaneously. Hyped because i'm going to be meeting up with all the folks to exchange ideas and learn again. Stressed because i'm going back as PD, Programme Director.

For those who knew me well enough, i'm not a very capable person on my own. Leading a group of new coaches to guide the participants of WA, i would say it's a whole new challenge for myself. Not going to go into the details of it, though i would very much like to share the story, but in short, it's a damn flop. I screwed up so damn bloody badly. I reckon i'm shortlisted as one of the worst PD ever. :) Haha. Think i'm going crazy, but i'm damn happy. I screwed it up big time, i sulked for a while and even lost my sense of direction during that period.

Indeed, i was sad, guilty, angry and all those negative feelings kept surfacing. But when all the noises and emotions finally died down for a while, i realized that this failure was what i need exactly. Oh yes, i AM crazy. I need failures. This fiasco has taught me more than anyone can teach me, i mean seriously. I learnt from this failure so much that i actually can foresee myself standing and guiding others who're going through this shit phase. The feelings of being in the pi thole totally sucks, but when you emerged from the torturous darkness, it's fantastic. And this realization i would say came at a very high price. A price i would say if given a second chance, i would still repeat the same thing. :)

This week:
Nothing major happening this week, lest the supreme lack of sleep as usual. Only this time round, i'm more motivated in a way. I slept around 2.30 almost every day except Mon but still feel equally refreshed at 6 in the morning. Want to know the SECRET? Haha, it got nothing to do with that secret, but something equally good, effective and powerful as SECRET. Haha.

Reckon attending Terry's grandma wake sort of put me in a right perspective for a moment. I was still a little discouraged after the flop in WA, but the wake sort of came to my rescue. Re-prioritize my work, friends, family, life balance and my goals for life. I'm not saying that someone must die so you can see such things, but in the event of death, somehow people gained more enlightenment. Don't ask me why i say that, i just feel so. Perhaps i'm wrong, but i'm proven right a couple of times. I wont' say many times because i don't attend funeral so often!! Still could vividly remember the time when my grandma passed away and the emotional trauma and drama my family went through.

Sad to say, death puts people back in perspective sometimes. Would like to end of this post with a quote from one of the greatest man, fans of many, idols of many many others. Not to mention, a super rich man too. :)

Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

survivor

2008-02-24T10:10:00.002+08:00

Yesterday:
Justice
Justice represents the balance in life between right and wrong. It is a reminder that you are accountable for your actions and you must be prepared to accept the consequences of any misdeeds. You have been given the strength to fight injustice in everyday life, so bring balance back into the world around you.

Hmm. The past week has been a little rough. Especially towards the end.

Surprisingly, i did survived the run. :) It's a little no kick, haha, just joking! It's a fun run, like those amazing race where you have to do a lot of running, reach certain static station and do certain things then run back to your checkpoint to clock in the points and time. Was on reserved on that day, reckoned that's why it's less taxing. Nonetheless, it's rather entertaining.

Can't exactly remember those last few days except lack of sleep, torturous torment of dozing off, oh, i actually overslept on bus! Yes. Haha. Guess where the bus brought me? I was near JURONG! From tpy to jurong, man, there's a distance to cover. Best part was it was a normal working day! Lucky thing was i managed to get back on time, not by cab but by bus. So it shows how early i actually woke up that day! :) Haha.

Friday evening was ultra disappointing though. A misunderstanding or miscommunication between V&C and myself. Was trying to bring across the message, but apparently, the words painted a wrong picture of myself. Reckoned sometimes i really can't express myself well enough. Initially was fuming mad at them for not being understanding enough, in retrospect, i don't blame them. It was my words that gave them the wrong impression. So misleading words can be at times.

Then again, if they really can't understand the plight i'm caught at, then i've nothing more to say. It's either you get it, understand it and accept it. Or you get it and try to do something about it and in turn make the other party on the other end suffer. Well, i sure hope they're not that kind of person.

Yesterday's duty was also a struggle. Not so much of physical strain, mroe taxing on the emotions rather. An emotional battle going on. I reckon it's the super lack of sleep that affected my mood, the inability of doing certain things perfectly and so many other things. Was rather tempted to just call someone, anyone. Don't know what stopped me, maybe it's trust, maybe it's me or it's the way i was being brought up. Hit a new point low yesterday. Like sub-prime crisis of the stock market. :)

Well, time to get back to work. Zzzz.

I WANT MY SLEEP! ARGH....

restart

2008-02-19T00:35:00.002+08:00

Judgement
Judgement signifies the start of a new journey, guided by lessons learned in the past. It represents the culmination of your life's experiences and is about rebirth and resurrection. It is time to face demons from the past and make a fresh start using a clean slate. Make that final decision that will finally plunge you into a new situation.

Too many whys but there's not sufficient answers.

So many how to..., but few explanations.

When you begin to see the true why, the how to can be totally ignored.

Synopsis of THE SECRET.

Well, today had been a real emotional struggle for myself. Yet, i felt today is one of those days where i gained the most, in terms of learning the inner psychology.

Had my 10km run today. Real struggle for myself considering i haven't been running, not to mention i miss last friday's run. :( A real torture for the mind and body. However, the sensation of completing the run is exceptionally good. Slow as it may be, it sure felt wonderful completing the entire run, without stopping or walking.

Finally got the chance to eat at home. Simple as it is, it feels heartwarming. Then went off to CW to meet up with Verlin and company. Way there was drowsy, but was really thankful for waking at the right bus stop. Can only say it's with the aid of the Secret.

Watched an inspirational movie called "I AM DAVID". Talked about how a young boy overcome the odds of overcoming obstacles after his escape from prison. A little touching, and somehow i can relate it very well mainly because it touches on topic like trust and believing in people; which i'm not exactly good at.

In any case, i'm still sufferng from the lack of sleep and mild headache. Sure hope it goes away soon. Oh, i also managed to come into contact wih potential, or potential look a like. :) Sweet.

burned out

2008-02-17T23:12:00.003+08:00

jaded

2008-02-15T01:31:00.002+08:00

exhausted.

2008-02-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

Yesterday
The Hanged Man
This card denotes the need to look at your current situation from a different perspective. The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life. In order to see the bigger picture, you will need to take a step back.

So grateful the day has finally ended. Was really exhausted from the lack of sleep (3h of slp from for last night), 7km run in the morning and interview. Mind now feels like it's about to blow from the exhaustion.

Then again, it's a super good stretch. So not going to complain anything. So stretched that my eyes are half closed currently and couldn't stop yawning.

Righty, the big night is coming. A very well V day to those lovey-dovey couples and those who are single, well, time to go out on this special occasion to shop for your special someone. :)

ache

2008-02-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

The Chariot
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.

It's been a while. Haha, it always have been. Reckoned i couldn't have put it more accurately than my PA, finally emerged from my pile of work. :) Still some more to go, but it's ending soon i hope.

Wed:
Well, dinner was perfect. In fact, the entire day was perfect. Haha. Had duty the day before, came back, was knocked out before breakfast and by the time i got by, it was 5+pm. Man, that's a real hell of a sleep debt cleared. Haha. Woke up in time for reunion dinner, perhaps a little on the early side, but good to start the engine going first before the palatable meals began. As always the dishes are fantastically done and well, got a slightly ate over the limit. Can't help it when i'm a greedy plus i was deprived of food since moring till night. The addition of a new soup sure round up my meal sweetly. ;)

Thur:
It's a hilarious day i would say. I mistook oranges for the mandrain oranges and actually took it for exchange during my aunt's visit. Silly me :P Thank god we were quite close with our aunt, even she'd a fair share of laughter. Haha. Well, CNY was meant to be happy right? I did a good job after all. Haha.

Loaded myself with simple dishes done by my aunt and surprisingly, her gas was finished, right on the dot after she'd finished cooking the dishes. Excellent. Won't have to go on diet like Wed. Went over to my extended family's side for visiting in the evening. Dinner was ok, but the mood was heightened with a little gambling called BLACKJACK! :)

It's awesome i tell you. Ok, i'm a little addict, but when you know the Secret & you actually use it during the game. Woah...I tell you the rewards you reap are mind-blowing. My cousin and i joint venture since i'd little capital on hand and we starting with $34. It was $2 per game and we were on losing streak till $8. Then i got a little edgy and soon, i started using the Secret....Muhaha.

Guess what? We actually managed to lose $1 each in 1.5h time. It's a comeback i tell you. Major come back. And we were all complaining out loud when the banker kept getting blackjack at the start. We were convinced the card was jinxed and requested a new deck. Next moment, it was the players who got ban luck. Absolutely accurate, especially when you understand the Secret. Haha. True application and experience, amazing stuff.

Had a rather weird dream that night though. I was dreaming i'd been pinned and i was crying out my aunt's and cousin's name. I swear i could feel the crying in my head very loud, but i didn't expect myself to be physically doing that. Was actually awoken by my cousin when he shook me and asked if i was all right. At that very moment, i really felt like i was being possessed during the sleep.

I've never experienced before dreams of that magnitude nor have i screamed out before. First time for everything? I dont' know, but it sure sounds eerie to me.

Fri:
I'd duty yesterday. Encountered a couple of interesting things i would say.

I was actually shocked at myself for having the discipline to exercise in the morning before duty starts. It's been 3-4 weeks since i last put on my pair of jogging shoes. Amazing what duty can do to you. Totally fries your brain, do something that is so out of the blue and surprisingly, it gives the right motivation to do the right things. Lol.

Also saw a python for the first time and was right away stunt by its ability to...not coil but climb trees! Man, if you're talking about monkeys, i've seen them countless times. But you're talking about a snake that climbs, interesting isn't it? I supposed that how they always ended up being on top of branches and suddenly dropping off the branches to scare animals...and humans. :)

Watched Bruce Almighty durin the resting hours. Both hilarious and touching at the same time. There was one sentence that struck me:

"God, i love Grace so much i can't bear to see her in such a state. Please bring her happiness, no matter what it means, even if it means for her to meet someone special."
Bruce private conversation with God after failing to bring her back in countless ways.

Left me in awe and tinge of sadness as i continue watching the comedy. Can totally connect with that sentiment, that emotion. So glad that i've managed to put aside those feelings before i started shedding tears for unknown reasons again.

Had pizza for dinner. Real CHEESY pizza. So loaded than i nearly puke from the overdose of it. Still, i like it! Real thick layers of cheese coated the entire pizza. The thought of it now makes me want to eat and puke at the same time. Surprised at my reactions as well. I can't exactly explain, but it feels illogical. What am i talking?

Today:
Met up with Athiyah to do up the prezzy. Nearly died half way through due to the lack of sleep. Just sent her off. Still, we managed to pull through and managed to come up with something decent, no, i should rephrase that. We came up with FANTASTIC piece of work. Reckoned i've never been more proud to be a designer for something this beautiful and artistic. Haha.

Well, i guess i've to get back to my work. Still a little left. Yes, the weekends and i'm still in work. I've learnt one thing though, keep your eyes on the prizes and you'll forget all about the pain and sacrifices.

P.S: My body still aches from the strenous exercise yesterday. Same sentiments to the matters of the heart. :1

overload

2008-02-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

The Wheel of Fortune
The Wheel of Fortune deals with the unpredictable situations in life. Your path in life takes many detours, often directed by forces and events beyond your control. This card represents change in your life, so be ready for unexpected challenges to come your way. This card usually denotes that good luck is coming your way.

This week has been a super exhausting week to say the least. There had been many ups and downs and i'm proud to say there're more ups than downs.

Mon:
Wen back to akltg to learn more about technical analysis from Conrad. Amazing stuff. It's also my first day back to work after a long respite. Haha. The people are surprisingly happy to see me back, though i'm not sure what emotion i'm supposed to be happy or sad my mc ended. Well, it's always good to be back to clear the long overdue work. Undoing the mess, was a little, erm, taxing. Nonetheless, i really appreciate their effort for covering me through those long weeks.

Tue:
Duty. Paid back those who were covering for me. Second day, still feeling a little dazed and nausea from the early waking. :l

Wed:
Went out with my mom. It's been a long while since i last took dinner together with her. Think it was last year? As in go out with my mom shopping and buy stuff, not that i didn't have meals with her or what. We do have family dinner every sunday but going shopping has been like ages ago. Oh, bought a new pillow too. :)

A random call from Alex and i'd to rush down to CW for "interview" at 10+. When in actual fact, it's an exchange session between me & DP Jean. :l Thankful that i'd a ride back, so it wasn't that bad.

Thur:
Went down for OPP. Amazing, managed to see new speakers and emcee speak. Learnt a couple of things here and there too. Good stuff.

Fri:
Duty again. Only this time round, i'd a harder time through the night. No that there were activities or anything, but the very thought of what's going on in my life, those sacrifices i've made, and whether or not i'll see results, it really left me with so much uncertainty that it rendered me fearful of my future. So thankful for having a strong mindset and calm state. At least i manged to put the last piece of tissue to good use. :)

Sat:
It was madess. Duty the day before left me totally exhausted and sleepy. The extra trip down to cousin's place to get formal attire for the actual interview did not help much. Best was i got a super baggy shirt coupled with a real tight fit pants. Man, if it wasn't for the Secret, i think tons of people would have laughed at my dressing. I felt super horrendous at that moment. A clown walking around in baggy shirt with revealing pants of my bottom half. Gosh, totally embarrassing.

Actual interview was fuzzy. Reckoned primarily i was stoning most of the time, though i did listen most of it. Still, i made the best of that current state i was in. Think used some slight NLP to keep awake and appear attentive. Haha.

Night was heartwarming and inspiring. To see and catch up with folks of like-minded people so darn interested in making money. It's like relighting the passion within. Gave me profound strength again to continue the journey. Talking to Eeyan, Snitzer and Yue Soo was especially inspiring, hearing them recount the Harv's courses as well as talking about POE. Haha. So going to join POE once i've made sufficient cash. :)

Yesterday:
Lovely! Haha. Slept all the way till 1+. Finally able to clear the sleep debt for the week. Went out in the afternoon with my aunt and cousin to shop for new year clothing despite the rain. Went Bugis and was dazzled by...not the clothes, but by the simply vast number of pretty girls walking in the street! Haha. It's a feast to the eyes, it's like it's a super long while since i'd felt so CKP. Miss those times when i hanged out with the clique.

Bumped into many old friends today. Saw SA bros and they were all doing well. Managed to catch up a little with Darryl before i hit off. In retrospect, i realized my problem was so minute compare to his when his dad is facing a battle with brain tumor. Will be going through any chemo some time this month. Attempted to gave some comfort words but during that moment i didn't know how to put it across. Nonetheless, i know his dad will pull through. Why? Because i know the Secret, and i'll teach him. At the same time, i'll also pray for his dad's recovery. Strong enough reason? :)

Saw Mr Lee on my way to ATM in the evening. Haha. Frankly, he lives around my area and i never had the chance to meet up with him after he resigned from work. Managed to catch up with him a little, and it's real little. Max was how are you. Haha. He's having dinner with his family after all. So not very nice to interrupt. Good right? In any case, i was also in a rush for time. So yup. Oh, saw his daughter too. Not bad! Haha. But as you know, see no touch. :) Still doesn't hurt to know right?

Had a peptalk with Athiyah few hours ago. It was eons since i'd last chat on phone with college mates. So it was really nice and brought back memories of old time. Real nice feelings. She also told me about her getting into BGR soon. Felt absolutely happy for her. Bet she has been using the Secret unknowingly. Haha.

Well, time to hit the bed. It's going to be a super short week, because it's time to say....

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

恭喜发财

gratitude

2008-01-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

The Emperor
The Emperor can provide order and structure where once only chaos existed. He possesses great intelligence and the confidence required to use it productively. While sometimes considered stern and demanding, he knows how to encourage people to reach their full potential. He sets strict rules and boundaries and expects others to comply.

Life is about choices i feel. It's a matter of whether you want to look on the bright or down side of things.

Birthday this year was rather unforgettable, to say the least. Got into some unforeseeable situation, not to mention those lousy feelings along with the feelings of anxiety and fear of the unknown. Yet, it's also during this period of time i was put to test. Or rather, the strength of the friendship was put to test. I was shown one of the most valuable thing in life --- friends.

It really took lots of trust for them to lend the help they can give. Like what DP Chris said earlier on, they've no obligation to help you. Many of whom i would say have little contact recently, but when called upon they're very willing to help regardless of the situation. I'm really very thankful for the invaluable help they've rendered without much pressing. Even though those who asked, i know they're really concerned about what's going on.

As much as i want to tell, i can't exactly put to words those things and you know that whatever things i can't say accurately, i rarely speak. As for that, i'm thankful for their understanding.

Watching 家有喜事 on chan 8 last night reminded myself of how much i long for a relationship that is as sweet as those couples shown on tv. The wedding i must admit, is really very intriguing and memorable.

The theme of the wedding was sunset with a setting at the beach in Bintan. The venue itself is a classic couple/ family hangout spot. Venue was later well decorated by a wedding co-ordinator and preparations fancifully done. I was in awe of both the wedding co-ordinator(she) as well as her capabilities. Climax came when the couples finally took their vows with a backdrop of the orange sunset and clear blue sky at the beach. That particular scene is really beautiful and lovely.

When the ceremony ended, many of their friends and relatives gave their well wishes and heartwarming hugs to the couples. Joyful tears rolled down the eyes of many people there. Unknowingly, i felt a tear or two in my eyes too. For that day, i reckon the marriage was one of the most beautiful things that i had for that day.

Upon interviewing the groom, i really felt like crying after what he said.

Groom," I'd never expected such people to come and help out in my wedding. We were like hi-bye friends in church. I never really got a chance to know them better, but when i needed people to help out in the preparations, they willingly sacrifice their time to come down. It was then i realized that i was surrounded with such wonderful people."

How true indeed. Many a times we took certain things for granted. The statement hit me especially hard due to the fact that i just recently experience the same sentiment as the groom.

The same feelings...

The same gratitude....

And for this year's birthday, i got many well wishes from many people. Not to forget a great prezzy from Verlin. Though there wasn't any fancy celebration nor gifts, i always already very happy. For i was given the best present this year, (perhaps given may not be a right word, shown may be more precise)

TRUE FRIENDS

test of faith

2008-01-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

The Magus
The Magus is the master of his own destiny and unafraid to act as he chooses. By setting specific and attainable goals, the Magician utilizes his great knowledge and wisdom to succeed where others have failed. He is the master of his own destiny. Although, with such power comes great responsibility. The Magician must decide whether to act morally, or forsake ethics for personal gain.

Never had i thought i would sunk this low, never had i thought i would ever encounter the chance to seek help from others & never had i thought i would be in a rut....again.

Experience, so powerful. Words, beyond my current capacity. Feelings, lost.

Yet, i had one thing i know i couldn't get wrong. No matter who, when or where. It's called friends.

I can't say anymore, not because i don't want to, but because i don't know how to. But i promise an explanation to everything once this thing is settled. I promised. You've my word on that.

And for the wonderful friends that i'd made till now, i'm really thankful for each and everyone of them. Can't put it in any better words than DP Chris,

You can seek help from your friends and they can choose not to help you; they've no obligation to do so. Only you yourself have the obligation to help yourself.

And for those wise words, i'll continue to fight the inner battle alone. No, i'm not alone in this, i've all my friends with me.

And for the great friends out there, who has shown so much care, concern and love,

i thank you so much.

mixed feelings

2008-01-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

The Empress
The Empress is in tune with Nature and symbolizes the ability to connect with the planet. Nurturing and caring, she is often thought to represent birth itself. Not necessarily the birth of a child, but perhaps the birth of a new project or business venture. Although she appreciates the simple things in life, she is not afraid to let loose and enjoy abundance.

I can't exactly put to words i'm feeling right now. It's like there's couple of mixed emotions within. A part of me want to slack, part of me is estatic, part of me is sad, but most of all, i'm lost. Lol.

You see, yesterday was exhilarating. Today, mind-blocked.

Yesterday
Morning:
Enjoyed a late wake up call and went out to upgrade my broadband plan to mio. It's humorous to say the least for that trip. As mio is a bundled promotion for mobile, house phone and broadband together, my mom and i got some documentation needed to be done since the broadband is under my name while the other two is under my mom's. So when it came to the transfer of rights, we encountered one problem...we've a large sum of outstanding amount yet to pay. Lol.

I mean is typical right? Considering local standard yeah? Haha. As such, i was told to go the nearest SAM to pay the bills. I was loss for words for a moment . What's SAM? I could almost hear the laughter in the heads of those staff there when i asked that question. Well, in case you're laughing too, at least i got my answer after that. :)

Wait, if you ever think that i'm kuku enough, hear this. After payment, i'm actually blur enough not to print the receipt. So after payment, i went back to the store and asked the staff why after payment i don't have a receipt.

The staff was shocked why i didn't print it. I told her i looked for receipt but nothing came out. So the poor staff went down with me to the SAM (which was a street away) and waited there, tried this, pushed that, called there to remedy the problem. I was speculating there's no paper in the machine left hence resulted in such situation. Fortunately, there's another person using machine at that moment. So we stood by, waited for the transaction and *blink blink*, came out the receipt. Gosh, i nearly fell off when that happened. After which, i realized that i missed out one super crucial step, PRINT RECEIPT BUTTON.*Died*....

Afternoon:
I FINALLY passed my basic trial test. Lol. Yes, i know it's darn easy, but slowpoke take a while to learn. :) So i the afternoon was actually wasted watching in front of screen of questions, reminds me of the days when we were doing TYS, just that this one is more high tech. Haha.

Evening:
Went down to CW to join Verlin and company. They were screening the Secrets. :) My favourite i tell you. Haha. But the ride there was a little emotional i would say. How do i put it, it's like i went down from YCK to Jurong.

The train passed by Khatib, with tons of memories where i'd pizzas together with my clique, roaring good time we'd. Then it was Yishun, reminded me of the days when i saw Potential, trips to schools and even the NP! Haha. Though i don't exactly fancy that place, but it was still a cool hangout place after school. Erm, i refer specifically to Mac & Lan shop. Haha. Other than that, erm...no comments.

Then comes the most heartbreaking station, or rather, the most fond of memories. So many times i remembered coming here, mostly evening, for lots of happening things. Things that tagged so closed to the heart and still do. Many areas i must say i've neglected, many things should have done, but didn't do or no guts to do, and more importantly, when opportunity arises, i failed to grab it. For that stupidity and lack of courage, i rue till this day. Yet, on hindsight, it has also given me room for growth, into what i'm today, right here and now. For which i'm more than happy for. :) So there's two sides to the story, only which you want to hear and listen.

I think the most reckless mistake that i've ever made was to read FOR ONE MORE DAY by Mitch Albom. I was so focus on reading the book that i totally forgot that i'm on the train. Well, if you were wondering what's the fuss about, that book was meant to be read when you're truly alone with yourself. The book is like a bible. Not that it has all the contents about God, but the words, the story, the moral behind the story, speaks right to your spirit. It's like physically there, telling you about what's so damn wrong about your spirit. It guts out all the mistakes you had or might have made through the course of your life. When i was finally done with the book, i felt a tear or two in my eyes. I just can't helped it. Totally reminded me of the first time i read THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN. At least this time, i'd more strength, wisdom and knowledge. :)

Today:
Went back down to SSDC for trial again. Obviously i passed them. Hey, they're different questions in case you think i'm cheating. They repeat certain questions only. Lol. In any case, i started the test at 4.20pm. By 4.36pm, i was already on my way out of SSDC, with a passed grade of course. :) Meaning i took less then 16min to complete a 45 min paper with 2 rounds of checks. Impressive yeah? Haha.

Opened another UOB account, which i liked what my bro said, was an error. Should have opened another DBS account. But it's all right, more account is fine with me. Reckon i'll follow T. Harv Eker method of saving. :)

Evening was a little too much for myself. I was tasked to close the shop on my own. Well, not exactly on my own, of course there're staff to help out. But as you know, staff's mentality, their primary concern is going home early, be it a good or sloppy job. So i'm like totally helpless as it's been a while since i actually closed the shop. Usually, there's few rounds of checks, one by myself, followed by my bro, then my dad. Today, i'm the only available person.

In wayi feel good though. It means that i'm no longer a small boy whose job is to look out for anyone who steals items, but someone tasked with the responsibility to closed the job, ensure all things are locked and most importantly all things are KEPT. Well, for that responsibility, i must say it's one tough one, but managed to live through it. Will received my results tomorrow. If you hear my bro complaining about something not done properly or i'm suddenly awaken at 6+ in the morning, well, you know i hadn't done a great job.

Was supposed to meet up with my buddy around this time but something cropped up. Oh well, reckon i now know how it feels when i told her that i intended to change some timing previously. :) Nonetheless, i'm a versatile person, any available time alone is good time.

Righty, time for stock research. And oh, recession is not coming....

IT'S HERE ALREADY.

calm

2008-01-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

big day

2008-01-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

The Chariot
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.

I must say i'm a little surprised at how much i've grown over the past few months. One of rapid growth if i may add. The disaster yesterday was an amazing lesson. I must really thank this sickness, for i wouldn't have known who are the ones who truly will stick with me through thick and thin. I've also learnt that not everyone has the capacity to accept the ugly and unfortunate.

This theme song will continue to sing. For every rejection, is a step cl oer to my success. And this major rejection has taught me well. I've learnt the present, I've applied the lessons learnt and so i'm truly happy, regardless of the appearance.

For the healing, i'm more than thankful for knowing the secret. It helped me through, and i must say i'm pretty happy with the healing. Major breakthrough in terms of the size of the wound and the itch. So grateful for the medicine. :)

I could almost feel like i can instantly attain one of my new year wishes this couple of months. I've set up very close contacts with some very powerful people and i'm also learning the ropes of business. :) Can't express the joys of it in words all of a sudden.

Another of my favourite, investment, is taking a sharp turn too. With some cash sitting lonely in the bank, i've managed to put them to good use recently. Bought a couple of stocks and being a money magnet, i've gotten myself a 4 digit income from my dad for some good efforts. I won't consider it work because i LOVE doing research. Not that kind of research where you sit in labs with all those test tubes, but more of the those in terms of financial reports, prospects and growth of a company. Sweet love. :) Haha.

With that, i would like to today's post with one very powerful quote from business school, a book that i've just finished reading.

The most successful people are the most rejected people in the world.

So time for some rejection? Haha.

And i must say it was of this very sickness that made me understand the essence of this statement.

destroyed

2008-01-18T20:43:00.000+08:00

Justice
Justice represents the balance in life between right and wrong. It is a reminder that you are accountable for your actions and you must be prepared to accept the consequences of any misdeeds. You have been given the strength to fight injustice in everyday life, so bring balance back into the world around you.

I wasn't doing justice to myself to speak the least. Realized that there's no such thing as right or wrong, only what's PERCEIVED as right or wrong. It's all in the mind...

The human art was being brought to light. With so many eyes staring, many more shunned, it totally destroyed the human spirit within. For those who were more brave, they would asked what happened. As those who shunned and even avoided the art, i would understand. To the strangers, the human art was no different from a freak.

There's nothing wrong with that. It's just saddening. To be eluded and shunned. To be perceived as a freak. To be viewed with a different point of view. No explanations needed, no words spoken. Actions were all that needed to affirm how awkward and freaky he is.

Those eyes and motion suddenly destroyed what i thought was an impenetrable level of confidence. Wrote an entry into the book of wishes and feelings and kept it in there.

The emotions in the eyes, the fear, the anxiety. I know.

It's time to keep away from the light.

And i totally understand why you have to leave. For even i can't accept the state of the human art degrading.

human art

2008-01-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

The Chariot
The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.

Man, if i'm in control of my life! :) Always wanted to do that, have been doing that recently and love to hear that affirmation! :)

However....it doesn't seem very applicable to my seemingly unstoppable itchy red dots on my body. It's like a human art. Haha. Well, not yet. It looks really scary with those red dots and that the primary reason why i was sent to medical officer on monday. Haha. A 2 weeks mc to rest at home for those seemingly insignificant dots. The sudden proliferation of them around the body will be a quite view though.

Wait, if you think those red dots will freak you, try this.

Red dots after applying calamol lotion. It all turned white. Tadah, the walking yellow man with white spots, literally, of different shapes and sizes covering the legs, hands and body. Lol. A look into the mirror at myself was a little horrifying initially, but after a while, it seemed rather humerous. I'm like a walking piece of art if you put it rightly. :) With those small patches of white lotion dried up, a couple of other patches here and there, i did my best to make some pictures out of them. Haha.

Wow, tin has an arty side. Well, too bad it doesn't occur very frequently. Or i really pity my own body being the platform for the artistic facade to surface. In any case, this two weeks break will be taxing on the guys in office, but well, i'm enjoying my life currently. Haha.

Right, time to do some homework on my research. Oh, i just concurred that LOA is so powerful, that it can make things happen within minutes. Totally amazing!

Cheers for the new blogskin! :)

trust & believe

2008-01-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

The Star
The Star represents hope and optimism and the arrival of unexpected help. Now is the time to strive for goals that at one time seemed unattainable. Nothing is out of your reach now, so do not hold back. While the Star does not predict any immediate change, it does represent the limitless possibilities that life has to offer.

I've finished the Secrets. Yes! :) Got a better understanding and i'm applying it in my life. I can't say how satisfied, joyful, happy and grateful for every single little things. Thank you.

When you understand the Secret, you've become one of the greatest person ever walked the earth.

I trust and believe. For everything that has happened, it'd happened by one thing, the Secret. With the Present, i'm more grateful with my life.

Got to apologize for the messy layout. Will try to settle it by tomorrow. By the way, if you're feeling bored and in need of company, can give me a call. I'm on 2 weeks of mc. Haha. Awesome. :)

I was reminded of the 3 powerful words by my buddy. So small, yet impeccable. And i realized, i'm not going anywhere, nor am i going to change, i've just grown more independent. I may say i'm short of time, but i'm not because there's time for everything. Ample and more than enough time. So, even i'm busy at the moment, just drop me a message or even a mail. I'll reply.

I promise. You have my word.

For i've been away for a while...

i promise i'll stand by this fort,

and pull through every obstacle that comes in the way;

whenever, however, wherever you need of me.

For you did the same very thing...

when i needed you the most.

Thank you.

unsuccessful

2008-01-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

The Empress
The Empress is in tune with Nature and symbolizes the ability to connect with the planet. Nurturing and caring, she is often thought to represent birth itself. Not necessarily the birth of a child, but perhaps the birth of a new project or business venture. Although she appreciates the simple things in life, she is not afraid to let loose and enjoy abundance.

It's been really very unsuccessful or rather the feelings of unsuccessful is so strong recently. So much so that i totally let loose my feelings today. Too bad i didn't manage to drop a single tear as much as i want to. Visits to friends' blogs made me realized that i'm beginning to stray away from all of them one by one.

"I'm losing you"....

The three most powerful words that i would always remember. It's those three words that keep me thinking of why i'm always fighting so hard. And each time i keep thinking on those words, my fighting spirit is, more often than not, renewed. The sacrifices i made, lesser sleep i got, lesser bonding time with friends and families, all for one reason. And this reason can be so strong, that can compel me to do things that stretch myself out of the comfort zone, and sacrifice the things i love most in my life. One reason, many changes.

So true that our paths are slowly diverging, but it's the divergence that lead to a better friendship. You don't see the moon, but you know it's there, always. What i'm fearful now is, wen there would come a time when you no longer see the moon, you begin to ponder if the moon truly exists any more.

I don't want to lead a life of NATO, no actions talk only. I want to walk my talk, and live my life. And so for MDP, i will succeed. 7 more years to go. 7 more years of grilling and of the sickening question why. The past few days may be rough, there had been little actions or too much stress. However, i know there's only one direction left for me --- success. For i've acquired some of the most powerful tools on earth. It's like what i would like to call, the gems of life.

There's nothing more powerful than the powerful Secret and i can never be more happy and successful now because of the Present. To success i can fill myself with, cheerios! And to the many friends that i may be diverging from, if you still acknowledge my presence after 7 years of non-existent, i'm more than gratified enough.

Oh, i also managed to bring the blind lady cross the street this evening. Some sense of gratication in certain ways. Undescribable joy and more importantly, i was reminded of ARK, an act of random kindness.

When you have the power to do something helpful, you'll feel empowered to help and protect.

fate.

2008-01-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

looking back

2008-01-06T13:31:00.000+08:00

The Fool
The Fool desires to achieve great things in life, but does not always anticipate the hard work required. Full of curiosity and searching for answers, the Fool symbolizes a new beginning and endless optimism. He must be careful in the decisions he makes, as his lack of experience is often a hindrance. While others may avoid taking on insurmountable odds, The Fool will attempt to accomplish near impossible goals with almost reckless abandon.

Yesterday was a hectic day. With the morning and afternoon session of talks, it's totally draining. Morning covers short-selling while the latter covers the overall view of FY2008. Night was busy clearing the action items in my planner. So far so good regarding planner.

Right, back to 31 Dec 07. The fireworks day. The most awesome and most reflecting day of my life. It's a race against time in short.

2pm: Got a sms from Verlin to meet her group at City Hall to go Esplanade for countdown & fireworks.
9.45pm: I'm still at home consuming the sumptuous supper that my dad bought back and rushed down in desperate hope to make it in time to meet Verlin.
10.30pm: I reached City Hall with groups of people crowding around the station. Locating Verlin was not easy. Gave a ring to Verlin and she told me she's already at Esplanade.
10.30-10.45pm: I slowly make my way to Esplanade only to realized that the Citylink route to Esplanade is closed. I started to get a little anxious. Tried to call Verlin countess times but network was busy. It's totally irritating.
10.45pm-11.30pm: With the route closed, i exited the Citylink via the Standford exit and to my shock, there were even more crowds of people who are already in position --- all well stocked and seated down with their friends and family having a roaring time. I started to get my anxious not knowing if i can make it in time to meet up with Verlin. Then, I got another sms from Verlin saying that she can't have a very good view near Esplanade area and she's walking with her mates to the Merlion. The traffic towards Merlion was so horrible that I can't move an inch when i tried to get across to Esplanade. It felt like a human packed sandwich. Terrible to say the least. Hot, packed and squeezing with strangers alone, the feeling totally sucks. The only perk, sights of pretty girls, really gorgeous ones with every turn, of which i almost lost my balance and tripped myself whenever i see one. It was a feast to the eyes. Haha.
11.41pm: I finally reached the bridge leading to the Merlion. Best part, i can't get up as the police has cordoned the area due to the large number of people up there. Tried calling Verlin but wasn't picking up. Message her and told her i won't be able to join her on time.
11.43pm: I suddenly got an idea to make my way to the bridge. If i exit the crowd now and enter via the other end of the bridge, i may make it on time.
11.44pm: I squeezed my way out again with greater need to reached there on time.
11.50pm: I saw the route that led to the other end was jammed packed with people and that was the time i knew i couldn't make it on time. Disappointed, i looked around for a good spot to watch the fireworks.
11.55pm: I walked around and still couldn't find a good spot. So damn tempted to leave the place on the spot. But i thought about all the troubles i went through just to get here, might as well watch the fireworks first before i go off. And so i somehow managed to get into Esplanade and got a myself a good view of the sky.
11.57pm: I dropped Verlin a note saying i'm happily inside the Esplanade, enjoying the good view (& air-con) with a group of strangers, some families and couples.
11.59pm: Everyone was eagerly waiting for the fireworks, especially the kids who were always asking why the fireworks is not here yet. Before he could even finish his question, the lights surrounding they bay suddenly dimmed and bang....the fireworks begun.
12pm: The fireworks view was fantastic, with one exception though. Because we were only able to access to level 2, the fireworks that went a little too high couldn't be viewed. As such, whenever there's a fireworks that shot up higher than scope of view, all of us will lower our body and tilt our heads up to see it. It's a hilarious sight i tell you. Seeing everyone doing the same thing rhythm for every couple of minutes when there's a slightly higher fireworks. Amazingly funny.

The kids especially were awed by the beautiful display of designs and the crowd keep going "WAH"...Till now i'm still laughing to myself with that thought. The crowd then exchanged well wishes with their loved ones and friends with the exception of myself. So i took off quietly while the rest lingered there for a little longer.

The ride back home, i saw a young couple having a super long smooch. Now, i went "wah"....public display of true affection for erm, 5 seconds and above. Lol. Totally envied that couples' happiness. Well, perhaps someday i'll reach that stage too. Lol. Feels like i'm lying big time to myself.

In retrospect, watching the fireworks in town has it's perks, but somehow watching alone feels awkward. Especially when you see people went in groups, friends holding each other's hands when they're squeezing, families telling themselves to keep close and not get lost. It feels somewhat empty when i'm there alone. Oh well, can't blamed anyone after all, it's not anyone's fault that i'm alone and not able to meet up with Verlin's group. At least now i know i've to go down early, WITH FRIENDS, this time round. Haha.

Did i also mention i'd a really weird dream last night? I dreamt that i was married! Haha. After watching 家有喜事 on chan 8.

Does that mean i'm going to get married soon?
Is it true that i'll be able to find my soul mate?
Does it implies that i'm going to find my girlfriend also? (you can't have a wife unless she's your gf right, wait, i think you can buy a wife, ok, then that's not what i pictured)
When will it happen?
Who is this person? :)

Haha. 1 dream, many questions. Haha. Oh well, like what a saying goes, a dream will remain a dream unless you take actions. I'll take actions, i'm pretty sure of it, but is it the right person?

Or rather, have i found this person?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF84pIhP5UM

exhaustion

2008-01-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday:
The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.

I supposed that explains why my eyes can't seem to take away from of the lovely females from the company this evening. Kinda fancy the emcee herself, amazing character and i LOVE her style. Not the way she speaks, i'm ok with it, but more on the other appearance & the way she carries herself. :) Yup, reckon she's set a pretty good benchmark for what i'm looking for. Haha.

Ok, like i said, countdown details will be further portrayed on Sat, while meantime, do me a super big favour, pray for me i'll be able to survive the office hours today (Friday). I'm kinda reaching the exhaustion point already, travelling around to Commonwealth and back to Toa Payoh. Going there directly after work does have its perks, but coming back with the extreme burnt out is not as good. Sort of like a hangover feeling. My eyes are like half closed currently. Man, so much for wanting a bigger eyes when i'm "conditioning" my eyes to become smaller. :( & did i also mention that i was being dub as the smallest eye in Verlin's company? Lol. To top things up, i was also taken as identical laughter with Hao Ren. :) Nice...

By the way, in the event that you happen to have any important things you need to contact me, do drop me a SMS. Stating why you called me. If not, i reckon i'll be duper busy for the next couple of weeks. I'm not talking about days, but WEEKS. Otherwise, i won't reply your message. (Nah, that's total bullshit) Haha. Well, the last part is, but the part on reason of you calling me is crucial, as i'll be super busy, i've a very strong feeling that i'll be neglecting a few of you guys. I won't say there's many, but i got to apologize in advance, especially to my buddy. Man, she is one tough lady to handle, but i supposed that's what made her "unique". Haha.

Righty, still have a couple more reports to cover, time to go mugging. Chaoz. Do pray for me please. :)

new.

2008-01-02T22:15:00.000+08:00

The Hierophant
The Hierophant is the protector of culture and traditions. Conventional by nature, he is a staunch defender of the beliefs a group embraces. He represents a spiritual guide and teacher and is someone to go to for guidance and advice. Never one to question authority, he thrives on structure and values and lives a life of conformity.

It's the start of the new year once again. Come to think of it, it' been rather fast considering my first year into enlistment. I've been a one year soldier! 1 more year to go! :)

Like any other people, I've some resolutions for this coming year.

1) To build a 6 digit net worth.
2) To complete my action planner DAILY & meet those datelines that i fixed accordingly.
3) To spend more time with my friends & cliques
4) To spend quality time with my parents
5) To build up 1 passive income
6) Exercise WEEKLY
7) To keep to my words & be ON TIME for all my meetings with my friends/ family etc.
8) *still praying* For a relationship.

Wahaha. The last one is duper cock. But oh well, doesn't hurt to throw that one in right? Seeing people getting attached is so heartwarming, but being there won't it be better? Yes, when you can't beat them, join them. Singlehood will end this year (hopefully). LOL. What a weird guy...

LOA will be my genie. ;) Will update more about my countdown on Saturday. Going down to CW tomorrow for cashflow workshop. Friday on duty, so yup, Sat looks cool. Or perhaps later if i can squeeze some time out.

Chaoz. Time to fulfill the resolutions.

2007

2007-12-31T21:35:00.000+08:00

Strength
Strength is a card of courage, determination and inner might. You are in a position to deal with whatever comes your way. You have reached a position of influence and no longer need to force your beliefs upon others. You are aware of the temptations that exist, but your ability to resist them is strong. Be careful not to take advantage of your power or risk becoming abusive and destructive. Listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts.

Last day of the year. It's been a very fruitful year i must say. Many highs and lows like any other years, but this year is especially special i feel. For this year, i'm a few steps closer to my MDP.

Couple of things i'm super grateful for...
1) Enlisting into army?
Yup, there're many things that went wrong but so many more things which i learnt. Values, truth, more importantly, i've gained so much more insight on being a man. A true man. :)

2) Wealth Academy.
Can't say more on this either. The course itself is already so enriching, coupled with super idols like Adam and Conrad, it's amazing experience. Being a coach itself also gave me lots of experience in interacting with different people and built up a very strong network with what i now call friends.

3) Sister getting married.
Haha. It's a such a surprise. We always joked about her getting married and how she said she'll marry a very rich guy. Well, the guy himself is all right, i won't comment on his wealth as he's already quite successful with his finances. Still it's good that she's getting married. Brings so much joy into the family. Oh, did i also mention it finally ease those parents of mine that the elder siblings are finally starting their own family. It's the wishes of the parents after all. Still, there's some minor issues which my dad isn't so comfortable with, but i believe time will heal. :)

3) Friends getting attached.
Wow, even this brings joy to me? Haha. I must say i'm a super weird guy. But seeing my SA brothers, buddy, BP are slowly getting attached, i can't help put a smile on my face. It's been a while since i get into a relationship, but seeing others in the love boat is good enough for now. What the future holds i dare not speak, but for now, i'm pretty happy with my status. When you're attached, you're locked to one. Yet when you're single, you're free for all. Haha. A well said statement by James. Cheerios!

4) Stretched mindset, physical endurance and limits.
With so much not so happy things going on and the strong desire for MDP to succeed, i must say i've stretched myself quite a bit. With lesser sleep, faster change of state of mind and more importantly, learning the SECRET itself, it's fulfilling.

5) Office politics.
I can't help but to say this, it's eye opening. To see how to truly play the right piece at the right time, how to be tactful, how not to say certain things in a certain way, it feels like i'm i a constant battle to choose the right words everyday. More sharp, more tactful, more thankful. :) Haha. And the folks in my office made me realized one thing, you can take your days in the organization as a grudge, or you can let loose yourself and enjoy as the days ahead unfold.

As for the lows, i don't wish to say too much. Too many unhappy feelings lingering at the start of the year, with the death of my old self. It's really too quick. Too fast. Too nice....A couple of things i rued that i didn't' pursue with all my heart, a couple of things i didn't' put in 100% to accomplish it. But it's all over. Let's not dwell on what can't be undone, but focus on what's ahead. For it's not what you lose in the past, but what you'll gain in the days ahead.

And lastly, i'll like to end off my fruitful 2007 with this sentence.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."- Anais Nin

And for all the great things you guys have done for me this year, through the rough and good times, i thank all of you. For without you guys, i doubt today's me will be this happy.

Special thanks to these people...
1) My buddy
2) CKP
3) 210
4) SA brothers
5) Edwin
6) Admern/ Yue Soo/ Eeyan/ Snitzer & all the WA folks
7) Verlin and company
8) BP

Nice...ended with 8. And so with 8, i wish you guys an enRICHing & fun 2008. :)

~Huat ah~

choice.

2007-12-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

lost.

2007-12-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

The Hierophant
The Hierophant is the protector of culture and traditions. Conventional by nature, he is a staunch defender of the beliefs a group embraces. He represents a spiritual guide and teacher and is someone to go to for guidance and advice. Never one to question authority, he thrives on structure and values and lives a life of conformity.

I went back into my stupid moody again today. So much for NLP & shifting of thoughts or the state of mind. Well, not that it didn't work. The fact is it did. Just that the period was too short. The sleeping of wee hours wasn't helping either. This time round, not that i didnt' do any justice for my body. I did. But the fact remain that the cup of latte kept me awake from 3pm-3am. Man, i almost got myself killed on that.

To top things up, i'm still suffering from the horrendous itchy rashes that gave me super nasty wounds after which. It's really freaking me out with the unstoppable urge to scratch the skin again, of which many times leaves behind such pain and angst for scratching. Yet, the pain still somehow can't be compared to the one still bleeding inside. Ok, le'ts choose a better word, a recovering wound. Yes, a sudden touch on that topic somehow brings back the immediate torrent of memories. So irrespectful, so naive and totally insane.

Glad that the moods didn't quite kick in tilll now. Of which i managed to either control or through other means zonked it out. In short, i spaced out again today. Didn't quite fancy that as i was out with the college mates and it's not exactly very helpful.

However, must still say that i did have a great time with the folks this evening at J8. Dinner was ok and the shopping was a little, erm, out of place i would say. The girls, Wai Fong & Serene, both happily went off for their makeup accessories while Aaron and myself are left stranded around looking for shops to linger around.

Learnt quite a few things from Aaron about formal dressing too. Awesome. Short but impactful lesson. Shirt size, what the numbers on the shirt collar represent, and there's also the blazers and super big buttons, forgotten what's that called already. Haha. In short, it's a fruitful lesson.

On the way back, a conversation with my buddy struck me. It's like a lightning strike few inches in front of me if you would imagine. 晴天霹雳。

Previously we were talking about my MDP.
Buddy," It's like very hard to get you out nowadays considering you were so with you stuff. I got so pissed off when you messaged me last night you couldn't make it. I didn't want to message you back."
Myself,"Oh, sorry. Been very busy going down to Commonwealth recently to learn more about some finanacial stuff."
Buddy paused for a while before continue...
Buddy continued again with a very sad tone," Talking to you now is like talking to a different Tin An. I feel like i'm losing you."

For that very last statement, it was smacked right in the face. I was suddenly being slapped by her, figuratively. I saw the saddness dissipating out from those eyes. And for that very last statement, i was so grateful for her. For she now has catapulted her position as a friend to very very close friend.

A person with such honesty and straight forward character. Supposed that was why i always consider her one of my moral compass.

Another excerpt with BP flashed across my mind yesterday too. And today it came back haunting me.

"It's like you've no sincerity."
"I can't believe you didn't remember..."
"Why did you bother to DIY?" (finally got the answer to this)
"Why didn't you remake since you know it's horrendous?"

midas touch.

2007-12-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

The Emperor
The Emperor can provide order and structure where once only chaos existed. He possesses great intelligence and the confidence required to use it productively. While sometimes considered stern and demanding, he knows how to encourage people to reach their full potential. He sets strict rules and boundaries and expects others to comply.

Truly sorry to all the folks out there who realized that i haven't been blogging recently. Been caught up with a couple of activities recently, which also almost, i stressed ALMOST, caused me to burn out. And i found it so stupid to be so caught up with it. Well, it's none other than gaming! :) Haha.

I realized that previously i've been very busy going down to commonwealth to know one of my friend's company better. To better understand the structure of the company and also to attend some of the workshops that they held there. Yup. :) Had been a very fruitful experience.

And some highlights.

Sunday:
Dinner and mostly gaming as i've just got back my psp from my partner. Yes, i share my psp with my friend. Not that i'm that kind or anything, but because we SHARE the cost. Haha. Silly right? But i mean i don't really wanna venture too far into that, so yup. Just having it partially is good enough.

Monday:
Duty. Zzz. Almost died during the late night shift but got awakened. And guess what, it's none other than.....WELL WISHES & MERRY X'MAS! Man, these folks sure know how to create the atmosphere with half asleep personnel. Haha. Atmosphere, ok, somewhat there, but environment wise, erm, can improve if it's not in such demoralizing vicinity.

Tuesday:
Oh, almost forgot, MERRY X'MAS! Yes, haha. So to PROPERLY celebrate it this year, i actually managed to attend x'mas party organized by my friend's company. Lol. It's not exactly a company event, but more like a friend's gathering or sort of like this. Haha. Met up with some very successful people and had chance to talk to them too. Cool!

Wednesday:
Went for my driving trial test. Er, kinda horrible as i failed again. Haha. Ok, let's just say i need a refresher course. Haha. Was back into gaming again. Oh, did i also mention that i've been sleeping at 4+ waking up at 9+ not entire due to gaming, but the "early" sleeping was very much thanks to the addiction to games. Haha.

Thursday:
I've only one word for this day:

AWESOME!

Why? Well, mainly because i spent this wonderful day with one of my close mate, BP and i must say each time i went out with her i managed to bring something back home. I'm also pretty glad to see that she brought something back with her home too! *That's right*. LOL! And the movie cum lunch combo is great too. Watched Alvin and the chipmunks. Fantastic show. Great music and more importantly, a decent plot. Not to mention the company's great too. Just in case i forget, must thank the great BP for her time and fantastic company. :) (Always believe in gratitude)

The night, fantastic! I actually managed to know the company of my friend better. I won't say i understand the structure, but now i know what's the outline of the company about. Must compliment that they actually provides very good environment for the people to grow and nurture. And guess what, i've just found my Midas touch. :)

I'm a money magnet!

Next stop, my investment blog. Yes, it's been a while before i last blogged. Think i'll make it a constant frequency. And in case you're still unaware, it's one the left hand side of the bar for the navigation of my blog. It's called...

TIN'S INVESTMENT

Yes, caps is totally necessary. Haha. In case some ku-kus are unaware. Well, time to hit the bed. Tata.

Oh, in event that i don't blog in the near future,

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a magnificent 2008 and a fruitful and rich year ahead!

HUAT AH~

*That's right. Haha.

gone.

2007-12-22T12:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday:
The Devil
The Devil represents wild behaviour and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst, this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.

It was a hell of a day. BBQ in the evening, lazing around in the afternoon and slept till 1+ with the curtains drawn. Feel so shiok! Yet, what goes up must come down. A walk past Mac with this song playing on the radio.

So many thoughts and associations came to mind. So many sad feelings and the sudden lousy feelings.

Another song which almost got the better of me.

Why am i constantly reminded of the stupid mistakes i've made?
Why am i always called back to the past?
Why can't i just damn bloody let go?
Why must i endure all these pains?
Why can't i just forget?
Why isn't there anyone who can do anything?
Why, Why, WHY?

So many questions...

So little answers....

So many doubts....

So many uncertainties....

Where am i going?
What is my purpose here?
Why am i even still alive?
Why is it that i'm hungry for that financial goal?

All these questions suddenly thrown back to me once again.

Time for reflection and for the weakness to swell again.

Only God knows how much a prayers weighs...

And so, God, i pray that all these will come to light. Amen.

hermit

2007-12-20T16:39:00.000+08:00

The Hermit
The Hermit represents the need to distance yourself from the people and events in your life that are causing undue strain on your emotions. There are times in your life when seclusion and isolation are warranted. The Hermit is a card of discovery and enlightenment, which can only develop by spending time alone with your thoughts. Your energy will be depleted quickly in social situations.

Damn, this is one of those times which you wish you didn't know what the card is. But knowing is one thing, actual happening is another. So far, this card seem rather true. My energy did deplete rather quickly. It's like i woke up at 1+ today, (shiok, after sleeping at 1 last night), and at around3+ i'm feeling drowsy again. Haha. And i didn't even take a heavy lunch!

Was thrown a challenge to get a prezzy for one of my colleague. Damn. Of all days this card with prezzy, erm, anyone free to company me go purchase? Tomorrow. :) Ok, if there's by any chance you're free, and would like to go down to town, drop me a call or msg. PS: do reply if you're going down, going town alone is never my favourite. :(

Conrad's class last night was fruitful. Though not as beneficial as i though it would be, still, i did level up. :) Erm, think other than that, i still failed to do up my investment blog. Ok, by tonight it'll be up. If not...erm, free dessert at swensens if you see this. Haha. Must make font smaller. Oh, terms & conditions apply. Haha. And when by tonight, i mean till 2 as i'll be home late tonight. Joining Verlin at her place for cashflow workshop. Another good place to draw strength and motivation! :)

I thought i was a hermit. But now, looking back, i prefer myself to be someone sociable more than someone who closes his heart to others.

Open you mind, open you heart so others can come in. I'll do it!

tons.

2007-12-19T17:59:00.001+08:00

The Hierophant
The Hierophant is the protector of culture and traditions. Conventional by nature, he is a staunch defender of the beliefs a group embraces. He represents a spiritual guide and teacher and is someone to go to for guidance and advice. Never one to question authority, he thrives on structure and values and lives a life of conformity.

Some ups and downs for the past 3 days. Realized i haven't been blogging faithfully. A little on the slack side wouldn't you agree? Nonetheless, i'll do my best to recap what happened recently.

Today:
A little disappointed at one of the wrong things i did, still, i hope it was kept contained. So much for knowing myself and all that kind of things after what i've sad. Come to think of it, not exactly disappointed myself, but more of the other party. There was lunch which did went well. :)

So -1+1=0. And with Conrad class coming up, it's +10. !!! :)

Yesterday:
Let's see, started out playing Darkeden after dental appoinment. Consultation with a different dentist sure brings new experience. Was told my gums weren't that healthy looking, asked me to go back for some scaling and cleaning. Ouch! But for the better good of the gums.

Monday:
Can't exactly remember except that i stayed back super late in the office till around 8+. Was clearing my work. Long overdue work. Not from slacking, i don't have much time in office to slack in case you guys get the wrong impression, but clearing the work which i missed out during the past week that i was on mc. The mails are horrifyingly many. Zzz. Glad that i completed on time.

Well, as for the next few days, i'm having chalet with camp people this friday. Think i'm meeting Edwin tomorrow to collect the psp. :) AND weekends if i'm not wrong WF is going Taiwan! Pls get something back for me buddy! :)

Oh, my investment blog is overdue! Damn. K, will get it done tonight and upload the link. So check it out! :)

if only

2007-12-15T20:51:00.000+08:00

millionaire

2007-12-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

The Magus
The Magus is the master of his own destiny and unafraid to act as he chooses. By setting specific and attainable goals, the Magician utilizes his great knowledge and wisdom to succeed where others have failed. He is the master of his own destiny. Although, with such power comes great responsibility. The Magician must decide whether to act morally, or forsake ethics for personal gain.

Finally i'm reaping something off the hard work. It's never an easy process, but somehow, i've managed to pull through. There were some uncertainties at the beginning, but it all make sense now. Puzzled at what i'm talking about, i'm referring to a certain syndrome in myself. :)

Well, as for wealth, i'm pretty happy with the new book i bought recently. Secrets of Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. A very powerful book i would say. Too bad i missed out on the seminar he held previously. Sure hope he comes down again so i can have a chance to experience his teaching in person.

And the one thing that rang continuously, without change, through the entire thing,

I've a millionaire mind! :)

As for my health, still a little drowsy from the mild fever i'm suffering from. Yesterday was only running nose and cough, today's a little more aggravated with mild fever. Spent a large part of the day sleeping. It's like i'm paying off my sleep debt i'd hadn't been duly paying. Well, let's hope i get better tomorrow as i've a Fibs meeting coming up this sunday. Totally excited about it! :)

sick.

2007-12-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

dying.

2007-12-12T18:53:00.000+08:00

enchanted

2007-12-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

Leaking nose aka flu.

ENCHANTED

Ok, nothing much about the former excpet that i'm super drained as usual. Lack of sleep and super virus spreading around in office. Couldn't help it. Running around recently didn't help much either. Erractic weather, totally amzazing for people whose immune system are going down.

And the latter, simply brilliant i would say. I must admit that the thriller for the movie was rather unimpressive. In fact, it was a turn off for me. Kinda stupid actually if you asked me. Yet, after hearing so many positive comments about the show, i can't help but wonder why it's so good. Wanted to get a chance to view the show, never did i imagine i would actually managed to watch it on a big screen, much less a female to be the company of the movie. Haha. Sadly, this friend of mine is flying off. Damn, and i haven't got the chance to buy any prezzy, should get it done soon.

Now now, what to get for my pretty friend....hmmm....

Giselle: Is this a habit of yours? Falling off of stuff?
Robert: Only when you're there to catch me.

The power of true love's kiss, can never be told, only to be felt and experienced.

love.

2007-12-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

Keep an open mind and a open heart,

so whoever and whatever notion comes to you,

you can think, consider and love.

I always believe there's one for everyone. It's just a matter of persuing, understanding, last but not least, identifying and waiting. :)

Btw, i'm starting on a investment blog. Be sure to check it out. It'll be done by this week. I'm getting a rough sketch on it first.

Love what you do and do what you love.

To love and all couples, cheers!

too much.

2007-12-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

2007-12-08T14:25:00.000+08:00

I simply love this card. For all my love, i want to live a life of justice. And now that the card has come, i think i need to review my life. A life of cause and effect. A life of choice and consequences.

E + R = O

E= Event ->5%, R= Response - >95%, O=Outcome -> 100%

Event can't be controlled, or you may say, minimum control. But the bulk, response, can be controlled. It's what you choose to want to be, that eventually drives and changes your actions, which in turn change the outcome.

Thank you for teaching me such a powerful equation. ;)

cheese

2007-12-07T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'll do it.

No, i can do it.

Or rather, i MUST DO IT. :)

morning star

2007-12-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

The Star
The Star represents hope and optimism and the arrival of unexpected help. Now is the time to strive for goals that at one time seemed unattainable. Nothing is out of your reach now, so do not hold back. While the Star does not predict any immediate change, it does represent the limitless possibilities that life has to offer.

You can't imagine how euphoric i am today. Not because i'd everything in my way today, but because i found a special person. Wahaha. It got nothing to do with thos lovey-dovey person. But, someone more important than that, someone who is going to give me opportunities to open up my eyes. It has been a very fruitful session and i must thank Verlin for introducing me to her new joint venture. Oh, i also opened my eyes to the cashflow game for the first time. Absolutely awesome. Powerful in fact, so powerful that it open my eyes to new possibilities and shuts away all negativity i'd about my goals.

And i now understand what it means to put yourself on the line. Be willing to sacrifice. To my financial goals, and to my life, i'm ready. :)

finally. :)

2007-12-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

The World
The World represents the completion of a cycle and the attainment of inner peace and contentment. It is time to celebrate all that you have accomplished and bask in your successes. You have achieved a heightened sense of self awareness and a new appreciation for your surroundings. While this card doesn't rule out discomfort in your life, it does indicate that many of your trials and tribulations will soon be overcome. Everything is finally starting to come together!

Pretty shag right now. Still suffering from the mild cold and heaty syndrome. Drank tons of water and visited the toilet many times. Time to hit the bed now. :)

Oh, also met up with wai fong, cihui & traces! :) Finally some quality time with my friends.

And with this new card, i feel empowered by the words. For the next WA, the PD will pray for strength and friends to bring him through the tough times. To the outgoing PD, thank you so much for having such great faith in me.

WA08

2007-12-03T15:35:00.000+08:00

Network = Net worth

So yup, has been enjoying myself for the past few days. I'm also glad that i've not only gotten a new card for a new start today, but also the energy & synergy that spilled over from yesterday. :)

And i got "arrowed" to be the next PD. I must say i'm really flattered. I don't know why they like me so much nor do i have a clue why they have such faith in me. I was at a loss for words. All that i can say at that time was i'm really flattered.

I fear expectations, but now, with great faith aiding by my side, i'll work my ass off. Not because i'm the PD, but the reason that they've such great faith in me that i can't disappoint anyone. And so, i must succeed!

To WA08 coaches and participants,

~Huat ah~

energy.

2007-12-02T02:06:00.000+08:00

The Sun
This card signifies a time of clarity and power. The Sun offers light and warmth after a dark time in your life. It is a sign of rejuvenation and growth, and shows that you are starting to flourish in your current situation. The Sun is associated with happiness, growth and good fortune. Your path has been illuminated and good fortune is on its way.

Praise the lord. For what you seek, it shall be bestowed on you. :)

Ask & you shall received.

Truly open my eyes today. You learn more when you teach. How true...

Your network is equal to your net worth.

So how much is your net worth now?

Adam's workshop has done tremendous wonders again today. Very impeccable Very inspirational. Very revitalizing.

Energy creates energy.

And definitely, i've passed the dark times. :) Leaving them in the past. Now, i'm can't say more as i've my fill on the egg tart. Happy enough. Haha.

Egg tarts are my love and my love is egg tarts.

For now.

In the past.

Not too sure about the future.

Changes always happen. :) For change, implies opportunity. Opportunity for what? $$. -,-!!

Cheers! ~

change.

2007-11-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

The Hanged Man
This card denotes the need to look at your current situation from a different perspective. The Hanged Man creates change by acting passively and accepting fate. By surrendering control and making yourself vulnerable, you will facilitate change in your life. In order to see the bigger picture, you will need to take a step back.

Well, as the title suggests, it's self explanatory. I've been through quite a lot lately. Been thinking alot too. But last night was really one of the worse nights i ever went through. Not that i've been through alot, but i was really super unproductive last night. So freaking pissed off with myself. For the first time i woke up so early in the morning, got so much anger, so much hatred, rage and vanity over it. Oh, if i ever used the final word correctly. I felt like a fool. A complete idiot, with so much ambition, so much dreams, suddenly, the minimum action needed wasn't there to support it. :(

I've changed overnight, no over the weekend. Even the conversation now with my cousin also agreed. I always asked myself one question, why?

Why am i like this?
Why do i feel so guilty whenever i'm unproductive?
Why do i have such soft spots for certain things but not others?
Why such fate and not that?
Why are you even here reading this posts?
Why do i always keep so many things to myself?
Why are you my friend?
Why do you want to be my friend?
What have i done to earn your trust to be my friend?
Why do you even want to be with someone who's absolutely forgetful, unproductive and exceptionally boring?
Why do i even bother blogging my mindless life here?
Why do even keep asking myself why?

I think i can answer only that last question. It's who i am. A seeker of truth. And i'll not stop at that, until you give me a damn bloody good reason, i'll not give up looking for it. This is me. :)

I've become more logical, more thinking, more rationale. Something of which i'm so proud of myself. Other than that i think i'm pretty sad with everything that's ever happened. Work was really terrible, life has been on the downturn lately. Felt a little neglected from my friends except those from WA! :) (I'm joining back as coaches btw, cos it makes me feel like an OGL, haha)

Oh, and except one thing. Stocks! :) Haha. I think i'll add in my portfolio on the right tomorrow. It's not a good thing but at least gives me a very good gauge of things. Reckon i'll also throw in a small section of posts to stock pick too. So look out for them!

Just joking. If i ever do them, i think i'll seriously be obsessed with stocks. Wait...i think i already am. :)

Recite not in what you have lost, but what you have gained in event of what you lost.

smiles

2007-11-26T18:18:00.001+08:00

search

2007-11-25T13:45:00.001+08:00

conflicts

2007-11-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

A choice between the two groups of people i love the most,

i just got to disappoint one of them.

For you can't make everyone happy in life.

And still keep yourself happy.

beliefs.

2007-11-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.

How ironic, considering the narrow minded mindset of mine, it doesn't exactly applies to me. Yet on a different note, it means everything. I've got to know so many of my office people slightly better. Be it the clerks working with me or the officers, i feel a sense of belonging to the place all of a sudden. Of which i supposed why i feel so fired up to do my best and fuck off after the service.

Went to bras bersa during the late afternoon. Was tempted to buy a Christian book there. That was the primary reason why i went there in the first place. However, after reaching there, i didn't manage to buy anything despite the large sale going on. It was like a clearing shop sale. The soft spot for books somehow didn't quite entice me. It's like i'm not ready yet.

Yup, i supposed that was my response. Supposed that was why i'd so much memories during the ride from Yew Tee to City Hall. Passing by some of those stations reminded me of all the good memories with my friends. So much untold stories i'd to tell, so much regret and sadness, joy and laughter.

If only there was a machine to capture all those beautiful memories all over again.

There is....

it's call the brain.

I realized that not many know how to tag, well, now with this blog skin, you can't exactly tag. It's more like leaving comments. You have to click on the unknown below to write your comments. Supposed it's a good way to tell who really wants to leave a footprint behind. Tedious and troublesome fellow. This is me, take or leave. :)

walking.

2007-11-22T21:36:00.000+08:00

experience

2007-11-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

There is only 4 truths in the stock market.

Opening, closing, high & low.

The rest? They are all speculation.

death

2007-11-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

you choose.

2007-11-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

Temperance
Like the Justice card, Temperance represents balance and harmony in your life. It signifies the need to find common ground in current situations and to bring opposing sides together. It is time to find a happy median between what you want in life and what you really need. By avoiding confrontation, you can give yourself the opportunity to thrive in a healthy environment free of negative influences.

I can sense it coming.

Death is the end of the life of a biological organism. Death may refer to the end of life as either an event or condition.[1] Many factors can cause or contribute to an organism's death, including predation, disease, habitat destruction, senescence, malnutrition and accidents. The principal causes of human death in developed countries are diseases related to aging.[1] In those countries animal death occurs mostly as a result of vast killing in factories to serve the human need for food. Traditions and beliefs related to death are an important part of human culture, and central to many religions. In medicine, biological details and definitions of death have become increasingly complicated as technology advances.

Never had i thought i would think of such things. But somehow i just feel it coming. I know the time is near. Once i'm done with whatever i'm supposed to do here, it'll be my judgement day. Had i not witnessed it with my own eyes, i wouldn't have believe it either. Got me thinking so hard. To strike a balance between reality and what i wanted to do, or rather what i'm supposed to do.

I've not told anyone about this yet, nor will i ever touch on it. The law of attraction, you can just feel it. It needs no words to convey it's powerful effect. Time left is no longer an issue. I've seen some of the worse, but i dare not speak so greatly that i've experienced or seen all.

He has sacrificed much of his life for one lost soul. Put too much ambition on one of which he doesn't know is going to end so soon. It may break his heart, but it's part and parcel of life. He has to deal with it. And so before the lost one is truely gone, he shall spent the rest of his remaining time doing what he was supposed to do; of which till now, he still doesn't know yet.

The anitcipation of death is far worse than death itself.

prayers

2007-11-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

unknown.

2007-11-17T19:29:00.000+08:00

ironic

2007-11-16T17:53:00.001+08:00

The High Priestess
The High Priestess is the mysterious one and counterpart to the Magician. She symbolizes all that we are unable to perceive or comprehend, as she travels in dimensions that we can only imagine exist. She is able to uncover the infinite potential that exists within all humans. Her patience is perhaps her greatest virtue.

If there's such a thing is inaccurate, think today's card will be describe as that. Not that i don't believe in it, just that i'm beginning to lose my patience, i've yet to comprehend anything yet nor have i tapped into any potential, be it mine or others. Come to think of it, yesterday's devil card may still be in play for today's role. :(

Not a bit did i like about yesterday's productivity, mettle nor mood. I've been tempted by many things, acted a lot based on impulse and my ambition was totally nuts in a sensible way. Of which, i'm so irked about yesterday. Even today, i feel so lousy.

I've typed a couple of stuff few minutes back, only to be interrupted by my mom and i closed the browser by mistake, erasing all the things i wanted to say earlier. So pissed at myself for being so clumsy. Upon death i saw new light, that i was able to have a breakthrough and accomplish what i commit ed myself to do till 27. Now looking back, i think my attitude is changing, my direction is lost and of all things, i've wondered into the unknown region of despair and uncertainty. The evil spiral of unproductive potential if you would like to call it.

P.S: I won't be online that often now, save to blog as and when i'm able to, and subjected primarily to my mood and time available. As such, if you wish to contact me, do so by phone/sms/ email. I'll get back asap. Doubt anyone actually contact me anyway, so just a heads up.

new cards

2007-11-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

The Hermit
The Hermit represents the need to distance yourself from the people and events in your life that are causing undue strain on your emotions. There are times in your life when seclusion and isolation are warranted. The Hermit is a card of discovery and enlightenment, which can only develop by spending time alone with your thoughts. Your energy will be depleted quickly in social situations.

Don't you just love to see new cards appearing? Especially when you're on a new journey towards your goal? Ok, it may not be as smooth or well as you may want it, but the fact that there's constantly something new and fresh means more opportunity for learning and experiencing. Wouldn't you agree on that?

Come to think of which, I've been calling a friend of mine this name. I supposed what goes around comes around. So i proudly say i'm the hermit, FOR TODAY! :)

I've found my new goal. FINALLY. After all this while of refleciton and thinking. Well, for the effort of going through the long way, i would very much like to share with you the questions which will lead to the answer if you're ever searching for your goal too. I done this on a friend of mine and she was totally amazed. Haha. Not to mention the punctuation of vulagrities and age old questions making her totally wrecking her brain for the answer. She was, however, surpprisingly very grateful for my prompt questions. :) So if you do desire to know what you want to do, you can always call me up or drop me a mail. I'm more than happy to help you on your journey to your goal.

To end off, i reckon i'll quote the following statement from a friend's blog, of which i thought was very well written.

Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.

MDP

2007-11-13T19:30:00.000+08:00

tarot

2007-11-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Death
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

I'm indeed excited about the life ahead, considering the dramatic change i'd today. :)

When one door closes, the other opens. And it's signifies it's time to move on. Time for some serious strategizing.

grad.

2007-11-12T01:56:00.001+08:00

Another grad ceremony. Albeit a relatively small scale, non-professional and surprinsly mixture of sad & happy feelings. For once, i feel like im being back in SA. The feelings of missing those people back there.

Only two words for the workshop.

Maximum benefit.

To the new folks whom i've made and got acquainted with.

Surprisingly adorable and friendly.

To the coaches,

Helpful and approachable.

To the conductors, Adam Khoo & Conrad Lim,

THUMBS UP!

And i'm proud to say i've offically

GRADUATED! :)

good experience.

2007-11-11T01:45:00.001+08:00

It has been a long day. Can begin to feel the effects kicking in. It's now a matter of mind over body. Something which i'm so weak in and require training on. And this course has been a great booster training to that.

In addition to that i got a very good experience on my favourite activity. A short 15 min of that activity totally got me my spirits up for the night. :) And i finally understood why my dad was so against something which the majority has been so willing to risk doing ( & failed badly). I've come to this conclusion,

In life, no matter how good you are, you need to experience the worst in life, be in directly or indirectly, in order to experience and appreciate the things you're doing now.

Time to turn in. (And dream about this pretty girl which happens to be a course trainer in the prog, of which for the first time, made me had butterflies in my tummy)

Too bad she's a little too old. :( But a little conversation with her during the prog (talking serious stuff of cos) made my night an impeccable one to round up the day. Cheers!

wealth academy

2007-11-10T01:49:00.000+08:00

2nd day into the workshop. Yup, this was about the time i reached home last night too. And guess what, i slept at ard 2, woke up at 7 in the morning and i'm still feeling good now. :)

But the best part is not there, the ultimate power booster for these 2 days was i didn't even sleep during any time of the 15h session. Surprised?

Well, i'll definitely love to share my secrets with you guys. But not today, i'm kinda drained physically, but still in a upbeat mood. Cheers!

Oh, if you ever have time, learn about the law of attraction. It's surprisingly powerful & TRUE! Believe it or not, it's totally up to you. :)

If you happen to know about that already, do me a kind favour, fill me on the details or best, if you can have a copy of the documentary, lend me! Haha.

The ultimate failure doesn't lie in the fact taht you failed, but that you gave up before reaching your goal.

I've found the 9999 ways of not making a light bulb. --- Thomas Edison

direction

2007-11-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

It's kinda weird, looking, learning, knowing. It's a process, a journey, somehow, you just know the end is just not near.

The anticipation of death is far worse than death itself.

The Empress is in tune with Nature and symbolizes the ability to connect with the planet. Nurturing and caring, she is often thought to represent birth itself. Not necessarily the birth of a child, but perhaps the birth of a new project or business venture. Although she appreciates the simple things in life, she is not afraid to let loose and enjoy abundance.

I'm so going to pick up a deck of tarots and start learning them! :)

Next year bday gift anyone? Haha. X'mas one also can.

Departure of close ones only makes you stronger, for your reliance on others have significantly decreased.

Know where you're going, and i'm glad i know where i'm heading now. The birth of a new journey.

Ultra random thoughts with super randomness and sadness.

true.

2007-11-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

You are learning more than ever today, thanks in part to your willingness to experiment with the various elements of your life. Anything you have some measure of control over becomes more interesting.

My horoscope for today.

The Chariot is the representation of victory and a reminder that, through dedication and perseverance, great obstacles can be overcome. This card indicates that you are in control of your destiny and that your will is strong. Your refusal to surrender is your great attribute at this time. You will soon find yourself in a difficult situation that requires you to be in complete control of your actions and confident in your abilities.

My tarot sign...

How true indeed. The obstacle is edding away. The flow of nature has resulted in such. The zero actions taken is what left of this fate.

When missing someone is such a pain.

Organizing a system office cohesion this sat. Hopefully nothing cocks up and everything will run smoothly.

When not knowing how to take actions is hurtful.

Hopefully i'm also able to meet up with CKP this sat too! Totally miss them. ;)

I've made up my mind, for the greatest harm can result from the best intention.

undergrad.

2007-10-29T18:03:00.000+08:00

I'm an undergrad! Ok, at least for today, and only today. Haha. It's still 2 more years before i'm a full time student again. Totally miss that life. :)

I don't exactly know what makes me wanna go down, a little persuasion, a little longing or is it pure desperation to see something new? I don't know which factor is more influential, but you get my point. Working life is so draining, but the salary available is never a complaint. Student life is stressful, but no one ever complains about the fun and laughter that tags together in the delightful times with your friends.

One day of being an undergrad puts me back into my perspective. It's time to mug, not for any academics, but for the future life which i wish to lead and pursue. For MDP, it is not now. The reasons have changed, the questions are answered. Reflection has done some good, finally. And so the new journey begins again; it's the same old person, with a different mindset.

change.

2007-10-29T02:44:00.000+08:00

Change, something so subjective, something so common, and yet, there's no way to pinpoint one to the exact precision in the changes of a person. You see them, you know it. Just like how it goes with ____. I long for something to come true, not a matter of wish now. I've vouched to do it. But it's always so NATO. I've felt so sick of it. I drew strength from something so invisible, something so unreal. Yet, in reality, i could not face it alone. I was so weak, many a time tempted by others, again and again, misled by many.

Give me strength to continue this strenous journey, against all odds. For footprints cannot be done sitting down.

May i undo what wrongs i've made.

reasons

2007-10-26T22:14:00.001+08:00

You know sometimes you just can't help asking yourself about the future; about what will you be doing 10 years down the road, who will still be around you, what kind of life you want to lead, what jobs you want to strive for...

Basically rudimentary questions that were supposed to have an answers long before you step into the university. But again and again, i look at myself, i think about my future, what lies ahead of me, i can't help but think, why, why and why.

I've been obsessed with MDP, i've been into games and tv dramas lately, and i've been negelecting what i'm supposed to do. It's like i'm straying away from what i want to be. Many a time i ask myself this, why do i want to be that particular person, and what's the motivation and reasons behind those answers. All that i got was a blank mind, going nuts over something of which i don't even know what is going to be.

You were born, you lived, you aged, and eventually you die. So then what is this purpose of life?

Dismiss that notion that i'm into some form of depression, i'm just inqusitive about what lies ahead, or rather what is this meaning to this unrealistic life.

If only you could enlighten me....

Heroes

2007-10-25T21:29:00.001+08:00

I'm once again addicted to TV shows! Haha. Only this time, it's HEROES! Ultra cool show. Introduced to me by Yew. It's a relatively simple plot, but the placement and sequence of different events and the professonal producer tim kring makes the show not a simple story at all. Not going to say more, you just gotta watch it for youself. It's going to be aired on Chan 5, so gotta stay home to watch. :)

Had been doing a lot of reflection lately, one thing i've failed to realize is that i'm beginning to act like a person whom i'm not, trying and striving so hard to be someone whom i missed. Duty yesterday top up with many more reflections only further concurred with that fact.

Have been evading this problem for too long. Think it's time to truely close the door and not looking back at it.

Man of few words,
person of deep thoughts,
of which the product is useless,
the dreams cannot be fulfilled.
Actions will lie,
so will words,
and so the life for truth continues.

renew

2007-10-21T18:24:00.001+08:00

Once in a while, you gotta renew yourself. If you know what i mean. The past few days had been a little readjustment. Looking into things i don't understand, the temptations, the unfounded truth and awkwardness. It's weird. To have similar abilities yet unable to do what others can do.

Mindset, the right mindset. One of my idol said that.

Good karma, believe in it i do. What i aspire to be and wish to and still believe in. To be heard by one of the greatest man said that.

One is a powerful businessman with countless of passive income. Another is also a very powerful man with so much passive income that he retired at an early age sleeping till 10+ in the morning. :)

I'll not escape the truth. I now know what i lack. And so i set forth my journey seeking what i long for. Answers to my own life, my destiny.

There are times when you keeping asking your own destiny and dreams. Why is it that you've such dreams and aspirations, why behind all those reasons you keep on asking why. Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers.

To you i'll continue to sing my praises, for what i thought i never cheerish, when in actual fact, i did. I relished at what i'd before i understood the true value, the fact that it's now gone and the fact that i missed the times we were together.

May you in heaven continue to protect the family.

jumbled

2007-10-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

Life is just like stocks, what goes up must always come down. And these 2 days i'm hitting the week long lowest. With so much things going on in office, screwing up so much stuff, reflecting over my past life and my upper study leaving today, feels so jumbed up. It's like my life is in a mess out of sudden. Don't even know what to say right now. Somehow, i just can't keep asking myself question about why i feel certain things in certain ways...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcZVpaVn-eM

gratified

2007-10-16T20:17:00.000+08:00

I swear that if there's any more day i feel more honoured and grateful, today is one of those days. Honoured that i've such amazing friends around me, and grateful for them being so supportive and helpful.

I always knew the organization as a place which drains the life out of every normal person. There is no zeal, much less talk about energy. It just gives off a very strong "sian" aura. Today's printing was enormously huge and excruciating tedious and irksome.

Huge stacks of papers of after papaers to print, MUCH amendments made and MORE amendments made after you've printed and filed. Totally irritating. Having spent a whole morning dealing with the ordeals of many arrows coming down from boss in comparison suddenly seem so trivial.

But must really thank to those guys around, if it weren't for them, my night today would have been super horrible. Drained, stressed out, fucked up is the least i can think of. It was their great efforts and supportive spirit that pulled me through today. The spirit totally reminded me of the days when i was back in SA. I'm not saying that i don't experiece such things with our clique of friends, just feel exceptionally stronger with my brothers if you know what i mean.

And if you got the time, i would very much like to share with you this video. So in love with it.

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=8887946

To those great pals who helped out today,
THANKS SO MUCH.

To the brothers and CKP,
ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER.

To others,
ALLOW ME TO CARRY THE GOODWILL FORWARD. :)

Thank you for the prayers, the god, and the friends.

a point

2007-10-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

I think i'll make a point to update whenever possible (p.s everyday IF possible).

I feel like i'm losing touch with a couple of close friends after recently visiting some blogs and friendster (especially). Darryl, i'm talking about you in case you didn't realize. *winks. Haha.

Met up with Traces and Yi Guang just now at Mac. Seeeing people mugging and myself gloating off feels EXCEPTIONALLY good. Haha. However, it does feel damn sad in some way as i happen to miss out quite a lot of fun studying. Ok, don't get me wrong, i'm NEVER a big fan of books, though i'll prefer to exclude stories, textbooks and notes are damn boring stuff.

But what to do? It's the access to the passport to a greater future ahead.

*roll eyes.

Mug hard for those taking major exams this year and those in uni, you better mug your ass off for that big papers coming up around the corner.

3 cheers for NON-ACADEMIC PERSONNEL! Weee~

smallville

2007-10-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

Another episode of smallville rendered me with so much fixed feelings. The sadness, the anger, the happiness and the regret. It feels like i'm trapped in this cocoon of emotions all spilled out all of a sudden.

The celebration yesterday gave me profound insight and thoughts about my friends. It's like i've known them for so long, but a blink of an eye and i realized that i haven't really got the chance to know them better. One by one, our paths are slowly diverging. From the best of my knowledge, 3 people are flying off this year. Or maybe early next year. Departures are never happy, but all the sadness reminds me that it was because i was close to them as such i feel uncomfortable without them around.

I also chanced upon Cheng Zhi yesterday. Seeing him attached put a damn big smile on my face. It's like seeing a good pal getting the happiness everyone yearns about. Looking back, i wondered if i'd make the right choice. The doubt, uncertainty and longing sometimes just give you tons of headaches.

Lana was right, you can't have both sides of the story. It's time i make my choice and stick to it.

Reason is the only sovereign you can allow to rule yourself.

zonked

2007-10-12T00:20:00.001+08:00

Tonight is one of those days where you feel ultimate shitty, ultra late dinner at 11+, freaking tired, down with a very bad cold and your eyes just can't seem to stay open (okay, very much obvious much thanks to this wee hours).

Nonetheless, it has been a rewarding night. To shake the hand of one of the idols in person, meeting them live, hearing their stories. Exceptionally great....still the sense of shittyness can't seem to go away. ;)

In any case, i'm now one step closer to reaching my goal. Hooray!

happiness

2007-10-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FszrKqY-EGc

I love the phrase which i put up on my blog. The one on happiness. Couldn't stopthinking back to our past...especially after watching this episode of smallville.

Adam brody and clarke kent. Two of my favourite characters coming together, sparks up something so beautiful. One small episode, but it touches so many things i've been going through.

The following things make me rue my current state.

~I didn't make up for what wrongs i've done against you.
~I didn't speak the truth when i'd the chance.
~For not speaking my thoughts.
~ For being insincere.
~For not staying back to teach you A maths.
~For not doing anything in return for the cookies i'd with you.

The dinner tonight reminded me especially of you. The sounds of joy, the cries of the parents. The dinner we'd together with our family. The times when i was at your place sleeping while you were talking, catching up with your children. I somehow feel i was such a lousy grandchild all of a sudden...but I'm glad you'd found your place in heaven now.

Pray for me to have the strength to look forward to the door that had opened and not look back anymore.

many things.

2007-10-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

Breathe in...& out....

It's been a rough week previously. Bombardment of many things, feelings and (surprise) many familiar faces wherever i went.

Totally died, think twice to be exact. With so much coming up, not to mention cocking up, it's hard not to keep a chill head on things. Lack of sleep and frustration mixed with guilt didn't go well either. Nonetheless, i managed to survived, many thanks to the friends i've met the couple of days before.

Can't think of what words to describe for today. So contradictory to say the least. It's like a temperamental kind of thing, one moment you feel extremely sad, the next moment you're like the top of the world. Not a good sign at all. And there can be no time of the month for goodness sake.

Btw, today's children's day! Wee~~

So why can't we get one day off just like those cute kiddos out there? Hmm...food for thought.

One more thing, i remembered i pondered about where i would choose to die i'd the chance to. I think i would choose somewhere nice, serene, preferably some where with beautiful scenery. Watch smallville and it sparked the thought of lost love that one experienced. Be it someone gone physically or emotionally, it made its impact on me nevertheless.

It brought one message stunningly successful across - when you meet someone you love, don't conceal your inner feelings.

As such, i decided to follow that message, for now, and would like to say a very big thank you to those who helped me through the rough sails last weeks, low tides. And to those beloved friends,

it sure does sound gay,

but i think

never mind. Haha. Some words are better saved to tell in person. :)

Cheers!

burn out.

2007-09-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

Feel so burned out today. Not exactly that shag, more like being stressed out by work.

Was having duty on sat. Then a super shag Sunday. And duty again yesterday. So far so good.

Until I went back to office today. Bombarded with super lots of work. Don't know why either. And the best part is there's so many major meetings going on tomorrow, it totally stressed everyone out. Even those senior colleagues of mine is feeling the heat. Almost all those involved in tomorrow's meeting are staying back late. Never felt such intense unexplainable feelings for a while....

So tempted to take a day off tomorrow. A colleague of mine also agreed that I've been working too much. Well, what to do when you have zero abilities and charisma for such managerial positions.

Wanted to call up any of my close friends to rant all the troubles i experienced for the past few days. A quick glance through the names made me dismiss the notion. Uni people are caught up with their own studies. SA bros have their share of problems. CKP somehow feel so dysfunction suddenly.

I'm not blaming any of them that i couldn't speak to. I'm pretty sure all of them will be more than willing to help. Perhaps i'm just not ready to say out everything that's going on.

It's time to learn from my idol, CLARK KENT. Not everyone will understand the full dimension of the troubles you're going through.

I'll draw my strength from Khalan Amnell - she thought me to fight till the very last breadth.
I'll learn from Richard Rahl. The whole world can doubt your ability but you can't afford to doubt your own.
And my hero, Clark Kent. Sacrifices have to be made so others can lead a better life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otMB3WVQNVg

phantom

2007-09-20T19:08:00.000+08:00

So many people going to leave very soon. I'm sad, but at the same time very happy for them, for their short stint in the unappreaciated organisation is coming soon to an end. One of my branch IC is going to phantom out soon, pulling in combo stunt to disappear. Another has got an understudy which suggests he's going to disappear soon too. With other people getting their turns on their understudy, they too will disappear. Before you know it, it's OCT and my upper study is also going to leave, permernantly. With Louis already gone, the people around will soon experience another great change coming up.

This is life i supposed; things change, people come and go. Soon, it'll also be my turn.

Jan 09. Boo...